Filing Failures

I had a bit of a relapse in FLYing. I put filing on my list of things to do. I did not want to file. I spent the past few days worrying about filing, making excuses not to file and not doing anything else. As a result, the filing did not get done and the house is a total disaster (but the bed is still made). As I was fretting about this undone filing, I considered using tomorrow's CDC Hourly Care slot that I have for Ian for filing instead of yoga. That would satisfy two urges: put off filing for another day and avoid driving as I am still not confident.

Sadly, this is how I have always worked, until I get into a mad frenzy and get things done. School was like this. I would procrastinate and then study at the last minute or take all night to write the paper. I always got good grades so I never really paid the price that caused me to change this behavior. Even during the all-nighters, most of the time was spent dealing with avoidance and anxiety. When I finally got down to writing, it was stream of consciousness.

I think back to living with roommates and how much better it would have been if I had known about Fly Lady or known why I couldn't get things done. Mike (former 942 roommate) and I used to put on music and clean the kitchen together, usually after cooking. It was always his initiative and we always had a great time. He was very fun, yet, very thorough. I never wanted to clean for two reasons: one, I didn't think I had time to do the job right and two, I knew no one else would clean.

Fly Lady wipes away both of those things:
1. By creating routines, you create less mess and as well as incentives to do more and by using the timer you can force yourself to do something for 15 minutes and then take a break instead of spending days fussing about the task instead of tackling it.
2. Fly Lady has the concept of having the view that you are "blessing" your family by keeping a clean house. She says to change your attitude and just get things done and as you do others will get on board, even if they don't, as in the case of roommates, you will feel better if you remove the bitterness and just get things done.

I remember living with two roommates who drove each other crazy. Both liked things neat, but one worried about hygiene and the other worried about appearances. K would take the dish sponge and wipe the floor. Things like that drove A crazy. I sided with A on hygiene, but I didn't do much cleaning.

In the past few years, I have lived at my parents' house a lot. I have not been very helpful. My mom does almost everything for the house. I remember that my sister and I fought her on everything that had to do with chores when we were younger. I was amazed to see that brothers took care of things on their own, or when asked, for the most part they just did it. They asked my mother for a vacuum cleaner for their dorm room their freshman year of college. Who are they? What did my parents do with them that they didn't do with my sister and I? Or what was in my sister and I that we were so different. My sister now helps a lot more, but I was still resistant. I told my mother to tell me what to do, because I just don't like to clean and I know it is wrong and she shouldn't have to tell me, but I needed her to give me tasks in order for me to contribute because I get overwhelmed thinking of what I could do and then I don't do anything. She also likes things done a certain way, so I would worry that it wouldn't be how she wanted it. I didn't cook much either when I have lived at home recently for the same reason.

Part of the resistance to change is reluctance to admit that what you've done in the past was wrong, or not the best method. Well, let me say it here and now, I was wrong. I was crippled by perfectionism. I apologize to my mother and my roommates (both the clean roommates and the dirty ones) for being messy.

But, it is not too late. Tonight, I filed. The pile I have avoiding took less than 10 minutes to file including making new labels for the new files. I just want to slap myself. Now, I do need to go through and do some refining work on the files, but that was not the task for today. Just filing. Just do it.

What else can be done in 10-15 minute increments? Learning Korean? Working out on the treadmill? Playing with my son? Paying attention to the dog? Writing a novel? Studying road maps of Seoul? You get the picture. Maybe some day, I will get it. Today, I made progress.