Weaning Party

I didn't set out to do extended nursing. In fact, I only planned to nurse for a year because "once they can ask for it, it is weird." Of course, I didn't know anything about breastfeeding when I made that comment. Once I learned more about the benefits of extended breastfeeding and child-led weaning, it just made sense. Still, I never expected that he'd nurse this long.

Ian's weaning was not completely child-led. He nursed a lot until he was almost 2 and then suddenly dropped down to twice a day due to my pregnancy. He stopped completely about 6 weeks before my daughter was born, but then wanted to start again. I let him, but only twice a day: before nap and before bed. Even those sessions were short. As he got closer to 3, I started talking to him about weaning. I thought I'd do it when he turned 3, but he just wasn't ready. By 3.5, he started all-day preschool and stopped taking a nap so he was down to once a day. A few months later, he stopped asking to nurse every day. When he did, I would say,"How about we just cuddle?" If he accepted that, we cuddled and did not nurse. If he didn't we nursed. When we traveled this past summer, he went two weeks without asking. Then, he asked again.

He turned 4 in September and for the past several months he has had many periods of going a week or two without nursing. I felt he was ready and chose New Year's Eve as his last day. We talked about it all week and counted down the days. I let him nurse a lot longer than I usually did.

The last time, I let him nurse as long as he wanted to and when he was done I thanked him for being my first nursling and told him I was happy that he was growing up.

Today, we had his weaning party. We made a cake and gave him a few presents: a new movie and two boxes of big kid Legos that Curt wanted to give him for Christmas. I held them back because I wanted to see how he played with the first set of big kid Legos. He did great, so we felt he was ready.




We sang,"Happy Weaning Day to You" and he blew out the candles, one for every year he nursed. Then, he opened his presents and put on his movie.



Eva, on the other hand, is no where NEAR weaning. Right now we are working on limits because she's nurse 24-7 if I let her!

No Bottles in This House

"I nurse!"

Snippets

Ian still nurses before bed and nap and Eva is primarily breastfed (has a bit of solids). Last night, Ian couldn't wait for Eva to nurse. I was laying in the dark with my two children in their striped pajamas listening to the them nurse and feeling their little bodies relax into mine.

After just two Sundays, Curt has become amazingly response to Eva's needs, even when I am home. He used to wait for me to handle things, but his confidence has just blossomed. Now, when Eva starts fussing, he takes the lead. In fact, he uses the Ergo so much that the new blue one has become his. Our setting are very different, so I will use the old one and we'll keep the new one adjusted to his settings. I am going to use the Ergo Back Pack (part of the Hands-Free System Eva and I won) as a diaper bag for Curt so he is ready to go out on Sundays.

My friend Chalica and her husband Jason helped us tremendously with the party. She told me that for Emma's party (which we missed because that was the day of our move), she ran out of time to hang the streamers and the kids had tons of fun playing with them. We hung up a few for Ian's party, but then gave the rest to the kids. They loved it! I bought two bags of balloons, but one of them had really tiny balloons. They were so small, that Jason, a musician, popped the first balloon with one breath while trying to blow it up. Luckily, the other bag had big balloons. Everyone should have a trumpet-player friend around when it is time to blow up balloons!

There's a Fine Line Between Encouragement and Bullying

Good intensions are not enough. The method of delivery determines how information is received. Sometimes, in our quest to promote alternatives to the mainstream like breastfeeding (especially extended breastfeeding or nursing in public) or natural childbirth we can come off so strongly to the person we are trying to help/inform that they are turned off and tune out. That is when the backlash comments like "lactation nazis" and ideas of "us and them" gain momentum. It reinforces the idea that there are only two choices instead of a spectrum: breastfeeding or bottlefeeding, c-section or homebirth, etc.

Every time I hear someone refer to a lactation consultant as a "lactation nazi" I cringe. I cringe for many reasons, not the least of which is the trivialization of "nazi", but mainly because that LC missed the boat with the person they were trying to help. Why did they come off as bullying or so ultra gung-ho that the woman didn't feel supported, but felt attacked? I think part of the problem is that LCs have to deal with the misinformation being spread from all sources, but most notoriously, doctors, and they are angry and so fail to meet the woman where she is and deliver the assistance and information in a way that they can receive it.

On the other hand, you want to make sure that you give enough information in a direct enough fashion that a woman can make a proper choice. You don't want to be wishy-washy and downplay your advice/recommendations to the point that the person doesn't take it seriously, but you can't overplay it, either so that you scare or scold or humiliate the person.

My recent post about planning your "best birth" the first time around got me thinking. Though, I thought I was prepared and making the only choices that I could at the time, I did have other options that might have allowed me to avoid my c-section. As I said in that post, some people tried to tell me, but I didn't listen for a few reasons: my doctors said all the right things and I believed them and I didn't feel like I had any concrete, practical alternatives.

After my c-section, my wiser self started thinking about what they could have said to me that would have possibly changed the outcome? I don't think hysterical anti-c-section rants would have gotten through to me. However, positive experiences with ECV or recommendations of providers who had done breech births who were nearby would have helped. The problem was that they didn't know of alternatives and they wanted to support me. I had a great c-section experience because I was supported. But, I wanted to change the outcomes for others. Maybe that is why my baby#2 was breech so I could experience a successful, easy ECV and spread the word so people would be willing to try it before giving up and scheduling a c-section.

Though I had a good c-section and recovery, I still had some processing to do about it because I felt like I really didn't have a choice. The more I learned about what my choices were and what the risks really were, the more strongly I felt the need to save people from my fate. At a playgroup event, a woman (36 weeks along with her 2nd baby) said she just moved to the area and was going to the OB practice that did my c-section. I immediately launched into a very strong speech about their reputation for being very surgical and their high induction rate (an L&D nurse said it was about 90%, could that possibly be true?) and that she should switch immediately!

"It's not too late to switch,"I said.

I said this to a woman who was new to the area and very near the end of her pregnancy. I said it to with urgency and fear and after I'd done it, I knew I was wrong, that I hadn't helped her and might have hurt her, by scaring her. I didn't have a great alternative to offer, either, because all the practices in that area were very conservative. I was definitely working my own issues out on her and don't think I helped. I never saw her again and don't know what happened or how she took what I said to her, maybe it didn't bother at all, but I do know that is not how I want to communicate. It is not how I would have liked to recieve the message, if I were in her shoes.

Another example is that of a close friend who has several medical problems (migraines and a blood disorder). As soon as she said she was pregnant and was talking about her high risk OB and all the specialists I said,"Your going to have a c-section for sure!"

I wanting to slap myself right after I blurted it out especially because she said,"I hope not." I was able to back track a little with her because it was a longer, continuous phone conversation instead of a chat between chasing toddlers at a playgroup, but again, not how I want to communicate. Then, I sent her a book and some links to resources, which I think was a positive step, but, my initial comment caused me to compensate and leave out some factual information that might have made a difference. I got an e-mail from her after her 39 week visit saying,"I wasn't dilated or effaced at all and the baby is going to be huge so they are scheduling me for an induction The doctor even joked that the baby was just too comfortable in there (how many times have I heard that one leading up to an induction)".

I wanted to scream,"No! Not the "Big Baby Card", don't let them induce you with an unfavorable cervix for that! You'll end up with a c-section!"

But, I didn't. I wrote the e-mail a few times and deleted it a few times. It seemed as if she had made up her mind and was happy with the decision. I wanted to say something, though, so I just wrote,"You know, the sonograms can be wrong, and often are, by a few pounds." I started to go into Bishop's Score, but I deleted that and just sent the one comment.

When she wrote back that they told her,"she was just so huge that it couldn't possibly be wrong in the negative, that the baby might be even bigger", I just left it at that and knew she was going to have a c-section, but did not say so.

She was induced on her due date and..........drumroll........

c-section 8lbs 5 oz baby 10 days after the sonogram

Now, it is important to point out that she is happy with the birth and feels it was the right decision. Even afterwards, I said, gently,"I should have told you about Bishops Score". She said she still thinks it was the right decision. I have to let it go. Even if I had told her, she was not in a place that she would be comfortable going against her doctors' recommendation. I can't say that she was wrong due to her other medical factors and comfort level.

That story was playing out while I was desperately trying to get Eva to go vertex so I could VBAC. I was trying not to impose my desires on my friend. I do wish I would have sent a calm, factual e-mail about Bishop Score and links on "suspected big baby". I don't think it would have changed her mind due to other factors involved in her decision, but it is the way that I want to communicate with people, especially in the areas of lactation and birthing. I want women to have factual information and practical alternatives so that they can make the best decision for themselves and their babies. Not what I think is the best decision, but what they think. I do wish the birthing culture in the US (and many places in the world) were different, but that won't change overnight.

Instead, my goal is to get the word out in a respectful way. I have done that for many people. I am still enthusiastic in talking about breastfeeding, my VBAC, Hypnobabies, etc., but I try to be positive about the alternatives I'd like people to be aware of and consider instead of negative about the conventional options they may choose to take.

Recently, this was put to the test when, after I'd gone half way around the world plus a two hour drive to have a VBAC, a friend chose to have a repeat c-section in a hospital with some policies that were not mother and baby-friendly such as no husband's in the OR for c-section and baby has to stay in the nursery overnight. She said she was not happy with these policies, but didn't want to change doctors, and I strongly (maybe a little too strongly) encouraged her to change providers because the c-section rate is so high in Korea that all the doctors are very experienced. In the end, she decided to stay with her doctor. Her doctor found her an English-speaking helper to take her to the nursery overnight to breastfeed and she negotiated some other things so that she felt more comfortable accepting the hospital policies and staying with her doctor rather than changing.

She was very happy for my VBAC even though she is making a different choice. She just doesn't feel comfortable doing it in a foreign country where it isn't commonly done. She does not have the option of going to her home country for a variety of reasons. She is a very intelligent woman and she has thought things through. She is doing what she is comfortable with and I made sure to tell her that I supported her, because I want her to feel supported, not judged or criticized.

I may not always be successful, but here is how I try to find the balance:

1. Positive enthusiasm, not negative hysteria
2. Present facts and resources so that if people are interested, they can pursue the topic further and make up their own minds.
3. Present practical, alternative solutions (for example, Holland has a great system for birthing, but it is not practical to tell someone who isn't Dutch or is not living there to "go to Holland". Expense-wise most people can't do that. Even for me, when I was in PA and some suggested going to TN to the Farm. It was too far away for me to go by myself with a 2 year old to wait to go into labor. So start with local alternatives, there may be some people in a position to drive 10 hours to another state or fly to another country, but for most, it will just seem unattainable and make them feel even more pressured and trapped into settling for the induction/section their doctor is advocating.
4. Meet people where they are. Some people are more open to learning about natural childbirth and breastfeeding than others who may not be interested at all. You shouldn't give up on talking to someone who is afraid of natural childbirth, you just have to be aware and approach them differently. My own interest in natural childbirth happened accidentally because when I got pregnant, for some reason, I remembered Ricki Lake talking about doulas. This was years and years ago (before BOBB) when I was very far from having my own children. For some reason, it stuck. I hired a doula for my first pregnancy who introduced me to Ina May Gaskin and Birthing from Within which took away my fear of labor. Though, I didn't experience labor with my first, that educational foundation gave me the confidence to pursue VBAC with my second.
5. Finally, remember that these are not your choices. Respect and accept choices that are different from your own.

This is getting really long. i should stop now. Do you have any stories where you blew it by being too forceful with someone? Any stories where something you said made a difference and someone had a completely different (and positive) experience than they otherwise would have had because of something you said? I love it when that happens, especially when you don't realize you've helped at the time.

Celebrate Blacktating's Blogiversary!

It's Elita's 1-year anniversary of running the Blacktating Blog and she's celebrating with a giveaway. Click here to congratulate her and enter to win.

Elita puts great breastfeeding news, product reviews and information that is relevant to all nursing mothers, but has a special focus to report issues that concern black women and to promote nursing in the black community. Here is a great post with images of athletes who were either breastfed by their mothers or breastfed their own babies.

Back on the Sauce!

Ian stopped drinking while nursing back in mid-August, but continued to "nurse" a bit through January. He asked to nurse a few times since Eva has been home, but didn't really drink or stay on very long. I thought he had totally weaned. Well, he has started drinking again. Eva is a great nurser and I am not having any problems, so I am fine with Ian picking it back up. I will limit him to mostly bed time and nap time, though.

Another Benefit of Toddler nursing

After modeling yesterday, one of the other moms e-mailed me to say her daughter had a fever. Ian was fine until dinner time and then his fever appeared. He went to bed early and slept through the night. Today, he still had a fever, but was very active otherwise. He wouldn't eat or drink very much, but he did nurse a lot. "Iss molk time now." You can give a toddler water, but you can't make him drink. I was glad to be able to keep him hydrated without stress.

Breastfeeding: The Great Toddler Silencer

Another reason for breastfeeding a toddler is the ability to silence them when nothing else can. After Gymnastics class, we went to lunch with another mom and her two year old. Ian and Mateo thought it would be fun to have a screaming contest. They were screaming and laughing at their loudness. The manager came over and told us to quiet them down. We told them to be quiet. I physically covered his mouth. Tried to keep shoving food in and finally nursed him. He calmed down and fell asleep. With Ian out the game the other boy calmed down as well.

Pinched Fingers

Ian got his fingers pinched in the door today. Nursing comes to the rescue again, from hysterical to calm in less than 30 seconds.

Breastfeeding through Illness

Curt, Ian and I are recovering from a 36-hour bug that flattened us. It started Monday when Ian was very clingy and refusing to eat. Of course we had family pictures and Ian was not cooperative. As soon as we got home, Ian threw up. Curt started to feel ill a few hours later and then I woke up inthe middle of the night with it. Yesterday, we were destroyed. We couldn't even stand up, All Ian wanted to do was nurse. This was a little annoying, but we could just lay down and nurse which kept him occupied. He felt a lot better than we did yesterday. Today, we are all better, though still eating limited amounts and Ian is still clingy. Just in time to go to Jamaica tomorrow!

Ian is 1 Year Old and We are Celebrating 1 Year of Breastfeeding

On September 6, 2007, my son celebrated turning one year old and I celebrated one year of breastfeeding. There were times when I didn't think I was going to make it, when I thought everyone must be lying when they said it was easier, but I made it. It took a few months, but once everything clicked, it was great! We plan to keep going as long as it is mutually agreeable. Nursing is so easy now, that I can hardly remember the tough times.

The pictures were taken by Brooke Bass during Ian's 1 Year Photo Session. Brooke took my maternity portraits and Ian's newborn photos as well.

Mothering Magazine just published 8 Reasons to Nurse Your Toddler in Kyla Steinkraus' article,"Extend Breastfeeding's Benefits" in the September/October 2007 issue (all quoted from this article):

1. Breastfed toddlers get complete nutrition. Research shows that fat and energy content increases after the first year.
2. Breastfed toddlers are physically healthier. According to research, the immunological benefits of breastfeeding actually increases during the second and third years of nursing.
3. Breastfed toddlers are emotionally healthier. According to Dr. Jack Newman,"The breastfed toddler is more independent in the long run because his independence comes from a deep-seated security that comes from breastfeeding."
4. Breastfed toddlers are smarter. Numerous studies show that breastfeeding promotes a higher IQ, including increased reading comprehension, math skills, and scholastic ability, even into adolescence. The fine motor and language skills of breastfed toddlers develop more quickly. According to Ginger Carney, a clinicial nutrition manager and lactation consultant at Le Bonheur Children's Medical Center in Memphis, Tennessee,"The unique coordination of the tongue, lips, and jaw during breastfeeding exercises the muscles used for speech."
5. Breastfeeding promotes your emotional well-being. The continued release of prolactin, the milk-making hormone, helps relieve stress and promotes feelings of calm and relaxation.
6. Breastfeeding reduces your risk of disease. The duration of breastfeeding is linked to lowered risks of ovarian, uterine and breast cancer.....diabetes.....and rheumatoid arthritis.
7. Breastfeeding acts as natural birth control. While not 100% effective, continued nursing can supress ovulation. (I still don't have my period back, of course, my back up method of birth control IS 100% effective as my husband is thousands of miles away!)
8. Breastfeeding makes parenting easier: teething, tantrums, skinned knees, etc.

Book Review: Mama Knows Breast by Andi Silverman

I love to give and receive advice, especially on all things related to breastfeeding: resources, challenges, products, everything! Mama Knows Breast by Andi Silverman is a compact, concise collection of advice that you might receive from a trusted, experienced breastfeeding friend. There are many great breastfeeding resources out there like La Leche League's The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and Dr. Jack Newman and Teresa Pitman's The Ultimate Book of Breastfeeding Answers, but they are large and thick books with a lot of detail. In your last months of pregnancy when you are busy buying things and preparing for labor, it is difficult to read a reference book straight through when you don't yet know what applies to you.

Andi's book (you'll feel like you can call her by her first name after reading it) is a small, handheld crib notes of breastfeeding guide that you can read in one sitting. The book touches on breastfeeding topics from proper positioning to the impact on your sex life, offering quick suggestions and listing resources for further assistance if you need it. Mama Knows Breast is divided into 8 chapters and is indexed, making it easy to find what you are looking for, but I suggest reading this book from cover-to-cover. Andi intersperses anecdotes from her own experiences throughout the book. She also shares stories from mamas throughout the country in break out sections titled, From the Mouths of Moms. These sections keep the book interesting and demonstrate the wide variety of options and issues you may face in your own breastfeeding adventures.

Like a good friend, Mama Knows Breast has a friendly, informative, non-judgmental tone. Andi emphasizes the importance of getting help if you are having problems, the value of support from your partner and other breastfeeding moms, and the use of common sense when making decisions about issues like public breastfeeding. While the book is more conservative than I am about public breastfeeding, it provides suggestions and encouragement for the shy, and reassures moms that it is both legal and often necessary to breastfeed in public. The section, Responding to Critics, has pre-planned responses to breastfeeding questions/criticisms. Parenting brings a lot of obnoxious questions that can hit the wrong note and leave you feeling vulnerable and judged. Pre-planned responses, especially, calm, confident quips, can preserve your dignity and prevent you from feeling defensive or badgered.

Andi ends the book on an empowering note:

In some ways, that's the beauty of this whole Mama thing. You get to make it up as you go along. No matter
what anyone else says--and they'll be sure to say a lot--you're the one who decides how to feed your baby.
You're the Mama, and Mama Knows Breast.

You can purchase Mama Knows Breast at Amazon.com. You can get more breastfeeding tips and news on Andi's website Mama Knows Breast

Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2007 or Ian Goes to Washington

Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) and Rep. Chris Shays (R-CT) held a nurse-in to introduce the Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2007. Ian and I drove in from Winchester (about 70 miles). We parked at Union Station and took the Metro (Ian's first time). When I lived in DC two years ago the one-way fare was $1.10, now it is $1.35! Mothers slinging babies (many from the local NINO chapters) gathered outside the Capitol South Metro stop and I joined them in walking to the Cannon House Office Building for the event. This was Ian's first political event with the exception of meeting Egypt's President Mubarak on the Nile Cruise.

Mothers (including me) were nursing everywhere. Midwives and Lactation Consultants were educating young Capitol Hill staffers. Everything appeared to be ready to go, but they discovered the sound was out right before so we couldn't hear the speakers. As a result, I don't know the names of all the speakers. What ever happened to sound check?




Unknown Speaker, Rep. Carolyn Maloney D-NY and Susan Kane, Editor of Baby Talk Magazine


Susan Kane holding up the infamous Babytalk Magazine cover with a nursling and a breast that sparked international media coverage and public outrage, though most of the feedback the magazine received was positive.

Breastfeeding and My Closet

I have quite a bit of clothes but it seems like I have nothing to wear. This was not caused by childbirth and breastfeeding, but both have certainly made things worse. I will be going to the States for 3 months from April through June and for once in my life, I want to pack properly. I usually wait until the last minute and then end up both overpacking and forgetting something important. Today, I started to go through my clothes in an attempt to reduce my wardrobe, the first step in prioritizing what to pack. Things I am getting rid of:

1. Cropped tops. I'm not talking super cropped, but shirts that are slightly shorter than necessary to cover your belly. Thankfully, that trend seems to have passed. A few years ago, that was all you could buy.

2. Faded, black cardigan sweaters. I love cardigan sweaters because they are a year round item, but they just don't last very long. I need to accept a maximum 1-year life span and toss them out. They fade slightly and become pilly and just look tired and gross.

3. Super short skirts. I still wear short skirts, but the micro mini has to go. I am just not going to wear them anymore. I hit 30 and have a baby now; it is time to give them up.

4. Clothes that don't fit correctly: too loose, too tight, doesn't lay correctly--it is outta here!

5. Clothes that don't feel good: things that get stiff in the wash or are scratchy.

6. Clothes that are not quite the right color. I have a few tops that are fuchsia and the color is just too strong/obnoxious for me. I do like pink and bright pink, but only certain shades. I also hate mauve. It makes me feel tired. I have a sweater set that is mauve and I am getting rid of it today.

7. Clothes with stains or holes.

Now, where does breastfeeding come into play? Well, I have lost most of my baby weight, but still need to exercise to tone up my stomach and legs before I am comfortably back into all of my pre-pregnancy clothes. However, my boobs are twice as big as pre-pregnancy, so there are some things that just won't fit until I stop nursing.

Things I am leaving behind (but not getting rid of) due to nursing:

1. Most of my dresses. Some don't fit over my breasts. Others, I can't nurse in. There are two non-nursing dresses that look better on me than before I had my baby, so I think I will take them in case I need to go to an event, but I can't really nurse in public in them, so I doubt they will get much use. Perhaps I should leave them at home. They were too big in the top pre-pregnancy. Some of these dresses should go as well, but since I can't fit into them right now, I feel I can't make a proper decision. I think I should send a few of them to my sister, like the black one with the JLo neckline, convenient for nursing, but I don't see myself attending any functions where it would be appropriate.

2. Fitted jackets.

3. Button down shirts. I don't wear them much anyway and I prefer to pull up my shirt rather than unbutton.

4. Tops that are now too tight, but won't be when I stop nursing.

What to do with the rest?

I've gotten as far as putting all the possibilities for taking to the States in a pile. I've completed the "rough sort". Now, I need to do a fine sort. I know there are things within that pile that I can get rid of and I don't need to take all of it so I need to go through tomorrow and decide after I do laundry.

In the future, I need to be more careful when purchasing. Maternity and immediate post-partum showed me how I can get by with a lot less. Even now, I have one pair of jeans that fits well and I wear them all the time. I have another pair that is too big and a few others that I can get on to wear, but they are still a little too tight. Maybe I will leave those here and pick up a pair or two in the States that are a little more forgiving. Oh the decisions!

Good Advice: This is Not a Test

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding Readers!

After preparing for a natural delivery, I had a cesarean due to my baby’s breech position. By the time of my surgery, I had accepted it (mostly), but I became more determined than ever to breastfeed. I felt that the baby’s position wasn’t under my control, but breastfeeding was a choice I could make. And it’s natural, so it should be easy, right?

During my pregnancy, I met many people who tried and failed to breastfeed. I chalked it up to lack of support, but I had a doula, lactation consultants, and two breastfeeding reference books. After my childbirth classes (both of which covered breastfeeding) and reading, I felt educated. I knew that pain could usually be corrected by adjusting the latch or positioning. I notified the lactation consultants of my cesarean date to ensure that I would be seen as soon as possible on the first day. I was prepared, just as I had been for the birth. I had my books, My Brest Friend pillow, nursing bras, nursing pads, nipple cream, cute nursing pajamas, the schedule for the hospital's breastfeeding support group, the contact information for the local La Leche League meeting, and even a sign for the hospital bassinet that read,"No Bottles, Please, I'm Learning to Breastfeed". Not only was I prepared, I was confident.

The cesarean went smoothly and a lactation consultant came to see me right after recovery as planned. An LC visited us at least once a day for the 4 days we were in the hospital. Ian was a great eater, but I had a lot of pain. I wasn't too concerned, I figured that I had the resources to work it out. Between my doula, my childbirth educator and the lactation consultants, I received only good advice, but nothing quite seemed to work. At 6 weeks, I was still just white-knuckling it, hoping the pain would end before the next feeding. I really dreaded feeding him because the pain had switched from just sore nipples to shooting internal breast pain. I was frustrated that with all the help and knowledge, we just couldn't get it right. Ian clamped down hard and fast and I just couldn't get him on far enough. I glared at the television as I re-watched “Follow Me Mum” where Rebecca Glover says,” Breastfeeding should be 100% pleasant and comfortable”. I went to the see the LC several times, but I felt guilty for not "succeeding". I didn't think she could help me anymore and I didn't want her to feel like she had failed. All the breastfeeding resources claimed breastfeeding was easier than bottlefeeding, I started to think that was a lie. I started to wonder why I putting myself through all the pain, but I didn't want to quit, or more accurately, I didn't want to fail. Something had to change or I knew I wouldn't make it.

After 6 weeks of pain and frustration, it was my mother’s suggestion to give him a bottle once a day that saved my breastfeeding.

I have to give my mother credit for supporting me. I was a formula baby. My mother gave birth to me, her first child, in an American military hospital in Germany by cesarean. She was completely out during the procedure. One of the last things she heard was,” Should we do a spinal or general?”

The answer came back,” Knock her out. The shipment didn’t come in”.

I’ve seen pictures and she was really out of it after my birth. Needless to say, there was no lactation consultant at that hospital. The nurses said to her, “Cesarean? You’ll bottle feed.” So she did.

I lived with my parents for most of my pregnancy and until almost three months after the birth. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive mother. She didn’t always understand my choices at first, like having a doula, but she was open-minded and came to see the value. I’m not sure she understood my insistence on breastfeeding, especially since she never did it, but she didn’t try to talk me out of it. She talked me out of my perfectionism instead (at least on this issue).

Supplementing is often presented as a slippery slope to bottlefeeding, but if you are committed to breastfeeding and supplement sparingly, it can get you through the rough patches. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Breastfeeding and childbirth shouldn't be viewed in terms off success and failure because doing so takes your focus off of your baby and puts it onto yourself. When I realized this and started allowing myself one bottle break a day, my attitude towards the learning process improved. I had a mental and physical break from the pain. Some days I would just rest, other days, I experimented with my breast pump to build up a frozen supply. I thought it was a matter of coordination and it would work itself out if I could hang in long enough. Taking that little break, gave me hope that I would see the other side.

A week into my "bottle break" day-by-day plan, my LC called to check on me. I felt guilty, but I told her I was still having pain. She pressed me for details and after I described my pain she suggested it might be Raynaud’s. My symptoms didn’t match completely, so she told me to come in to see her. In the meantime, she suggested using a heating pad to see if it made a difference in the pain. If we determined that it was Raynaud's, there was medication I could take. Fortunately, I did have improvement with the heating pad and decided not to take the medication. By 10 weeks there was dramatic improvement and I was able to give up the heating pad. By 12 weeks, I was pain-free. I ditched the nipple ointment and the daily bottle.

Today my son is 6 months old and we are still breastfeeding. In fact, I've breastfed in four countries and can honestly say that breastfeeding IS easier, especially during travel, once you get the hang of it. I do give my son a bottle occassionally (about once a month), but his primary source of nutrition is me. Based on my experience, here is the advice I would give to new mothers:

1. Get help early and often. Be descriptive about your pain/problems and keep going for help, until your problem is resolved.
2. If you need to take a bottle break, don’t feel guilty. Try to wait until 6 weeks to allow breastfeeding to get established and avoid nipple confusion. If you do it sparingly, it will help you through the rough period and increase your chances of reaching the rewards stage.

Check out the other bloggers in the Motherwear Carnival of Breastfeeding: Good Advice/Bad Advice:

*Tanya, at Motherwear gives you resources to find good breastfeeding advice.
*Breastfeeding 1-2-3: "How to get good medical advice on breastfeeding."
*Black Breastfeeding Blog: "The best breastfeeding advice I ever got."
*The Baby Gravy Train: "Best breastfeeding advice."
*Mocha Milk: "Welcome to the March Carnival of Breastfeeding!"
*Breastfeeding Mums: "Good Advice/Bad Advice."
*Stacie at the Twinkies writes,"If Only I Had Known..."
Andi at Mama Knows Breast writes about establishing your milk supply.
Jennifer at The Lactivist talks about Exclusively Pumping
Steph at Random Wonderings on "A Lot Learned from Bad Advice"

The "Breast" Advice Around

Angela, at Breastfeeding 1-2-3, just posted a great compilation of other breastfeeding blogger's reviews of all things motherhood. The emphasis is on breastfeeding resources and accessories, but she also included slings, cloth diappers, parenting books, strollers, shoes and more.

While not everyone has the same experiences and opinions, it is very helpful to read independent reviews before making a purchase. You will start to see a pattern and it can help narrow your choices. As you can see from my cloth diaper post below, I like to read reviews and compare until right before my head is about to explode and then I decide. It was actually Angela's Using Cloth Diapers post that pushed me over the edge to try them. I had been thinking about it off and on, but just never took the time to try to sort everything out and make a choice.

Battle for Breastmilk in Ohio

The City Kids Day Care Center in Ohio is imposing an extra $50 per week charge to serve breastmilk. Jennifer, at the Lactivist, researched the state regulations, and there is no basis in them for a charge like this.

Here is the text of the e-mail I sent to City Kids owner, Patricia Elam:

Charging to serve breastmilk is a ridiculous and discriminatory policy. Women get the message that "breastmilk is best" over and over during pregnancy from the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Federal Government, and even formula commercials. The extra effort involved in providing breastmilk is on the part of the mom, not the center provider. The mother provides you with milk that does not need to be mixed or measured. If the CDC and the Ohio Department of Health do not consider breastmilk a bio hazard, neither should you. If one compares the Ohio regulations for handling breastmilk and formula, there is less work involved with breastmilk. Breastmilk has many benefits for the baby and therefore, your center, such as reducing illness. You should be encouraging mothers to provide breastmilk. Childcare centers need to support working moms by serving breastmilk without charging extra fees that make it prohibitively expensive.

Join the fight to remove the fees for breastmilk at City Kids Day Care. You can send an email to Patricia Elam at citykidsdaycar@aol.com.

Breastfeeding All Over the World: Arabian Gulf, Qatar

We (and most of the international community) call it the Persian Gulf, but the Arabs of the Gulf States like Qatar, call it the Arabian Gulf. I am wearing my nursing swimsuit from Motherwear. There is more fabric in that suit than any other in my life, but it covers the post-partum tummy, is easy to nurse in and is surprisingly flattering.

It was warm enough to sit on the beach, but not quite warm enough to swim, though we did put our toes in!

Breastfeeding All Over the World: Petra, Jordan

I hope Petra wins New Seven Wonders of the World. Ian is a great traveler and breastfeeding makes it so much easier.

The Other White Milk....

*Update: The Pork Bork apologizes to the Lactivist! She has agreed to stop selling the shirts and they are donating money to the Mother's Milk Bank of Ohio.

Breastfeeding moms (and mums) are rising up against the National Pork Board for threatening to sue Jennifer at The Lactivist. Jennifer has pro-breastfeeding shirts in a Cafe Press store for sale to benefit the Non-Profit Mother's Milk Bank of Ohio, one of them uses the slogan,"The Other White Milk". Reasons: trademark infringement and tarnishing the NPB's rep.

I am out in the desert with limited internet, so I just found out about this and ironically, I had pork chops for dinner. Now, I do enjoy pork bacon, panchetta, pepperoni, pork chops and many other delicious pork products. I especially enjoy them over here because they are hard to get in a country that is 95% Muslim. However, "The Other White Milk" refers to breastmilk as an alternative to cow's milk. It is true that one may think of the NBP's slogan,"The Other White Meat" when one see it, because it was out there first, but I don't think the NBP should win on trademark infringement. I don't know the specifics of the law, but common sense tells us that "The Other White Milk" is a statement of fact about breastmilk. Slogans that are statements of fact should have higher tests for trademark infringement. Even if you admit it is a play on the slogan, it is a non-competative play on the slogan. A mother doesn't decide between breastmilk and pork, she decides between breastmilk and formula.

The most ridiculous part of the letter accused Jennifer of tarnishing the NPB's image:

"In addition, your use of this slogan also tarnishes the good reputation of the National Pork Board's mark in light of your apparent attempt to promote the use of breastmilk beyond merely for infant consumption, such as with the following slogans on your website in close proximity to the slogan "The Other White Milk." "Dairy Diva," "Nursing, Nature's Own Breast Enhancement," "Eat at Mom's, fast-fresh-from the breast," and "My Milk is the Breast."

The Lactivist website promotes breastfeeding acceptance and supports breastfeeding moms. The shirts do not promote adult breastfeeding. There are a few that acknowledge a breastfeeding mother's womanhood and sexuality, but the point is to play on the dominant American cultural view of breasts as sexual objects and points of vanity when the primary biological purpose is to provide nourishment. There is one shirt that reads,"I Play with My Baby's Food" for fathers to show their support. That one is the closest that I've seen of her shirts, but even that one isn't encouraging fathers to breastfeed, it is encouraging fathers to be supportive of breastfeeding. I don't particularly care for that shirt, but do you even remember I started this post about pork?

So write the National Pork Board and tell them to support breastfeeding and back off The Lactivist.

Jeff Hartz - Director of Marketing Communications
(515) 223-2629 JHartz@pork.org

Joy Johnson - Vice President Marketing
(515) 223-2631 jjohnson@pork.org

Michael Wegner - Vice President Communications
(515) 223-2638 MWegner@pork.org

Teresa Roof - Public Relation Manager
(515) 223-2616 troof@pork.org