Mama Seoul

Almost Home

2011-11-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

After between in transition for almost 4 months, this weekend we will move into our new house. Leaving the expat lifestyle behind will be a big transition. Our new area has a lot going on, our task is to learn all about it. Our furniture doesn't fit well in the new house so the next few months will be spent organizing and trying to get everything done before the new baby comes.

You Can Take the Mama Out of Seoul, But You Can't Take the Soul Out of the Mama

2011-07-19T02:01:00.001-07:00

We are leaving Seoul and moving back to the US. What will I call myself? I think I'll keep MamaSeoul until I figure that out. We are going to a Philadelphia, but will be hanging out with family for a few months. Will the blog survive this move? I don't know. I've been neglecting the blog because I finally surrendered to the dark side of Facebook.

Out with the Old, In with the New

2011-07-19T01:06:00.000-07:00

I was finally able to retire my Ergo purse today. It's totally worn out. My friend, Rachel, had one that she never used so she graciously gave it to me. I like hers better. It is a little less sporty than mine. I won mine as part of the Ergo calendar contest. It is supposed to clip onto the belt of the Ergo as a travel system, but I always overload mine and just carry it as a purse. I like it because my id is easily accessible and it has a clip for my keys (which I can never find otherwise).

Recently, I ordered a Julie Apple Mobomini which will hopefully work for me keeping my essentials together.

Ian & Eva Speak, The Quotables of the Past Few Months

2011-05-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

These are getting lost on Facebook, so here I cut and paste for my non-Facebooking family members:

Watching Oprah's Farewell and Ian says,"I see the guy who talks about sad people who did things (referring to Dr. Phil).

Eva: Mom, I need to nurse and then you need to put the quinoa in my mouth.

I'm putting the baby toys away because there is no baby in this house. Though, Ian said today,"I think we need 1 more baby".

Me,"Why's that?"

Ian,"Because people will think its adorable!"

(I think he is referencing an Olivia the Pig episode)

Me:Ian, Eat your spinach and lentils.

Ian: But I want broccoli. My heart wants what it tells me it wants.

Me: Here, have some broccoli.

Broccoli, the heart's desire.

Moroccan Chickpeas & Zucchini over Quinoa
Ian says,"Mom, what you maked tonight is the best!"
Me,"You like the zucchini."
Ian,"Yes"
Me,"And the chickpeas, do you like the chickpeas."
Ian,"No, I LOVE the chickpeas!"

Ian (holding two packages of M&Ms in his hand this morning),"What about these be our new vitamins?"
Nice try, buddy. Nice try.

Eva punched me and said,"I punch you. Good job." (I think that is evidence enough that this woman is right about not saying"good job")

Never realized how often I use the word "actually" until Eva started saying it.

Ian's school report said:

Ian is incredibly sensitive and kind. Today he told me,"My sister is the most prettiest girl in the whole world!"

playing my Deepening CD and Eva is saying,"Deeper and Deeper. Deeper and Deeper to Relax"

Had two great nights with Eva using the Hypnobabies Toddler Sleepy Time CD. Ian wants to listen, too and Eva says,"No, that's MY hypnosis cd." I'm going to use it for 2 weeks before doing a full blog post, but I am very pleased so far!

Yesterday we made it to Target, went to lunch and then fell into a coma-like sleep. Woke up about 8pm. Finally got everyone back to sleep at 4am and woke up at 6am. Ian said,"Wow! This morning came faster than yesterday!"

Ian: Do wizards die?
Me: I don't know. They are pretend. Everything real dies.
Ian: No, God and wizards don't die. Because they have sticks.

Theology by Ian.

Ian,"Mama, Nathan and Tremain's skin is brown. Nathan's is light brown."

Me,"Yes that's true. What about you?"

Ian,"Mine is peach. Light peach."

Eva pinched Ian. Me to Eva,"Don't pinch Ian. Gentle touch."

Eva to me,"Ian pinched ME. Don't pinch me, Ian" (Not true)

How does she know how to blame others so early!

Here are the quotes from January, right about when my blogging really started to slack:
Curt to Ian,"What's after 15?"
Eva chimes in with,"16"
Curt to Eva,"Wow, what's after 16?"
Eva,"Pbbllllttt!"

Curt to Eva,"I will not negotiate with you."
Eva to Curt,"Negotiate, Daddy!"

Eva is saying."No head-butting. Hahaha. No head-butting. hahaha."

(Eva likes to head-butt so she hears "no head butting a lot).

Good mom moment: Ian says,"Thank you for making me spinach, mom!"

More Eva:

"I need privacy." (She was on the potty).

"I nurse now. Count to three. One, two..."

Me: Eva, come here!
Eva: Are you talking to me?

Eva requested Geek Yogurt (Greek Yogurt) for breakfast this morning.

Yesterday Eva said,"Curt! Don't go to work." Just now she said,"Karen, Karen, look at my baby!"

What I've Learned About Toys

2011-05-26T04:35:00.001-07:00

I just went on a toy rampage. My kids like to dump their toys out and scatter everything. Then, things are put away in a rush and all mixed up creating an overwhelming disaster of a mess. Games and flashcards are the worst offenders. The "urge to purge" hot when Curt was out of town (of course). I unsuccessfuly tried to do it by myself, but had to give up when the kids were "helping me". So, I waited for one of my babysitting days and got to work. Surprisingly (or not) it only took a few hours to go through everything. I got rid of broken toys and games with important missing pieces. There was a huge full bag of trash as a result. Then, I pulled out all of the baby toys since I do not have a baby in the house anymore (hate to admit that, but it is true). The kids still play with some of the baby toys, but since they have so many other options, I decided to reduce. Then, I bought plastic bins and labeled them so that there is a good place to be everything and everyone will know what should be in each bin. My friend suggested that I put laminated pictures on the outside of the bins so that the kids could see what goes in. I think that is a great idea and plan to do that eventually.

So this mess:

Became this:

Going through the toys got me thinking about toys in general. We are not big toy buyers. In fact, we did not buy most of the toys, but, at only 4 years into parenthood, we already have TOO MANY TOYS! So, here are some tips based on my experience:

1. Buy small amounts for birthdays and holidays for the first few years. The first few years, parents get really excited and go crazy buying way too much. When you add in what they will get from other people, you just get an overwhelming mess. I bought very few toys because I knew they'd get presents and even though I did this, we still ended up with too much. I wrapped up socks, underwear and clothes along with the toys so they'd have something to open. Ian will still say,"Wow, new socks!" Little ones get bored opening presents (and then they like to play with the box). You only need a few presents to open when they are small.

2. Stay out of the toy aisle. Parents, it is hard to resist cute toys and flashy toys even when you know you don't need anything. Plus, when kids get to be mobile, they will want to take toys home with them and not understand when you have to leave them.

3. Simple toys that do not require batteries and can be used in a variety of ways, last the longest, are best for independent play and are the best value. Toys like blocks, legos, wooden train tracks, etc.

4. Don't start a collection for the child before the child has a desire to collect. It can get out of hand quickly. Also, the very young child doesn't appreciate 10 dolls anymore than 1 doll. Same with dvds. Kids like repetition so, take advantage and just get a few dvds until they start to notice and want them. Then, you can add dvds at the holidays slowly, so they can appreciate them more.

5. Think small. Some of the most favored stuffed animals have been very small ones. Burger King toys like plastic animals and action figures are long lasting in this house. Why spend $5-10 on a Spiderman action figure at the store when the BK or MCD's kids meal version pleases them just as much? (Should kids be eating BK and MCD's? That's another post, but, if you do eat there (in moderation), the toys have a lot longer staying power than you'd think. On the small side, my favorite baby doll, the Corolle 12" doll has been a big hit in my house and in others as I've started to give this doll as a gift. It is small and soft-bodied, machine washable and does not require batteries. It is easy to carry and kids love it. Most of the dolls on the market have hard plastic bodies and require batteries. I don't think a doll should cry, eat, talk etc. I think the child should imagine that the doll does these things. Bells and whistles look fun in the store, but I think less is more when it comes to dolls.

6. Put games, flashcards and toys with multiple pieces out of reach so that your children cannot destroy the box and scatter the pieces. Better yet, don't buy flashcards. They can be fun, but so can books.

7. Have a list of toys/books/art supplies that you'd like people to give your children for birthdays and holidays. People will bring gifts even if you say not to and they want suggestions. Not everyone will listen, but most will.

8. Don't be afraid to return some toys or put away some toys after a big birthday or holiday. Again on the battery-powered, bells & whistles toys. Save the environment and your sanity and limit these! Don't get me wrong, one of my kids favorite toys was a ride-on toy with lights and music. My cousin got this for Ian for his first birthday and I JUST put it away. He is over 4. They still like it, but he has a bike and Eva has a tricycle and a balance bike so they don't really need it. I will bring it out if we have guests, especially younger ones. I am getting off-track here but you get the point. A few of these can be great, but a whole collection leads to swearing (because the batteries are dead again), bankruptcy (because of buying those darn batteries) and environmental ruin. OK, I'm exaggerating, but the truth is that it results in a lot of clutter. If a child gets too much for one particular event, putting some of it away for the next holiday or even rainy day can spread the impact.

9. Do a toy purge (including books, games and art supplies) at least once a year. Your house will thank you for it and your kids will enjoy what they have a lot more.

10. Along the same lines, when you bring a big item in, take a big item out. You are usually doing this because the kid needs an upgrade because of size or development, so make the switch.

Happy playing!

Sleepy

2011-02-10T04:21:00.000-08:00

Pognae Shoot

2011-02-10T04:14:00.001-08:00

My friend is the Pognae distributor for Sweden.

Post Weaning Conversation

2011-01-02T17:12:00.000-08:00

The night after his weaning party, Ian went to bed without nursing but he said,"I'm still who I am after my weaning party."

He said it with such urgency and repeated it a few times as if looking for reassurance.

I said,"Yes, you are. We are just celebrating that you are getting older. You don't need mama's milk, but you are not too old for cuddles."

He said,"Will I get too old for cuddling? You won't cuddle me? I will be sad. I don't want to be alone when I am older."

I said,"I'll always cuddle you if you want, but I think when you get big you won't want mama to cuddle you."

He said,"I will want cuddles!"

I said,"OK, I will cuddle you forever."

Mountain Buggy Post: Running into the New Year

2011-01-01T03:09:00.000-08:00

Find it here.

Weaning Party

2010-12-31T23:37:00.000-08:00

I didn't set out to do extended nursing. In fact, I only planned to nurse for a year because "once they can ask for it, it is weird." Of course, I didn't know anything about breastfeeding when I made that comment. Once I learned more about the benefits of extended breastfeeding and child-led weaning, it just made sense. Still, I never expected that he'd nurse this long.

Ian's weaning was not completely child-led. He nursed a lot until he was almost 2 and then suddenly dropped down to twice a day due to my pregnancy. He stopped completely about 6 weeks before my daughter was born, but then wanted to start again. I let him, but only twice a day: before nap and before bed. Even those sessions were short. As he got closer to 3, I started talking to him about weaning. I thought I'd do it when he turned 3, but he just wasn't ready. By 3.5, he started all-day preschool and stopped taking a nap so he was down to once a day. A few months later, he stopped asking to nurse every day. When he did, I would say,"How about we just cuddle?" If he accepted that, we cuddled and did not nurse. If he didn't we nursed. When we traveled this past summer, he went two weeks without asking. Then, he asked again.

He turned 4 in September and for the past several months he has had many periods of going a week or two without nursing. I felt he was ready and chose New Year's Eve as his last day. We talked about it all week and counted down the days. I let him nurse a lot longer than I usually did.

The last time, I let him nurse as long as he wanted to and when he was done I thanked him for being my first nursling and told him I was happy that he was growing up.

Today, we had his weaning party. We made a cake and gave him a few presents: a new movie and two boxes of big kid Legos that Curt wanted to give him for Christmas. I held them back because I wanted to see how he played with the first set of big kid Legos. He did great, so we felt he was ready.

We sang,"Happy Weaning Day to You" and he blew out the candles, one for every year he nursed. Then, he opened his presents and put on his movie.

Eva, on the other hand, is no where NEAR weaning. Right now we are working on limits because she's nurse 24-7 if I let her!

Mountain Buggy Post: Resolutions

2010-12-31T01:45:00.001-08:00

Find it here.

Mountain Buggy Post: Snow Day

2010-12-29T21:37:00.000-08:00

Latest for Mountain Buggy here.

Quadrilla

2010-12-28T20:19:00.001-08:00

Curt got this Quadrilla set for Ian last year. It has been in my closet for most of the year for frequent "failure to put away" violations. Eva kept putting the marbles in her mouth and Ian kept leaving marbles around the house.

We just got it back out and they are playing with it much better this year. Eva still put the marbles in her mouth, but after being removed from play, she realized I mean business and now is playing nicely.

Curt loves Quadrilla and I had to talk him down from buying lots of additional sets last year. I think this set will be fine until Ian's birthday when we can add to it.

Eva in her new dress:

No Bottles in This House

2010-12-28T16:27:00.001-08:00

"I nurse!"

Fly Lady Step 1: Shine Your Sink

2010-12-28T15:14:00.001-08:00

Habit 1 for Fly Lady: Shine your sink.
Before:

After:

Christmas 2010

2010-12-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

Eva was the first up. She is holding her pants up because they are too big and she has a thermometer because she is not supposed to have it.

Curt woke Ian up because he couldn't wait any longer. He probably would have sleot until 9am, but was happy to get up at 7am for presents.

Ian's big present was big kid Legos.

Eva had an Olivia Christmas with Olivia dolls, books and dvds.

Ian is still very happy to open any present even if it is clothes or wild rice (I put wild rice in their stockings). That is nice. Since we don't have commercials, he doesn't ask for much. Both of them have too many toys already, so we kept Christmas small. They still had fun, though.

Eva's favorite present was a pink dress with matching hoodie. As soon as she opened it, she starting ripping off her pjs and demanded to wear it.

Group picture.

Merry Christmas!

My Latest Post for Mountain Buggy

2010-12-25T18:21:00.000-08:00

Traveling with Baby Pictures and tips from my travels.

Good Housekeeping Parker House Rolls (Susan, Our Beginning Cook, Learns to Make...)

2010-12-23T23:32:00.000-08:00

My mom makes this recipe at the holidays. Susan Flick, the wife of an Army Captain shared this recipe with my mom while my dad and her husband were attending German language classes in Monterrey, California in the fall of 1975. The rolls are awesome and even I can make them. I couldn't find the recipe and was searching for it online. Seems that others were looking for it. It is from an article titles,"Susan, Our Beginning Cook Learns to Make..." It is not on the Good Housekeeping website so I will put it up here.

6 to 6 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp salt
2 packages dry active yeast
1 cup butter softened
1 egg

About 3 1/2 hours before serving:

1. In a large bowl,combine 2 1/4 cups flour, sugar, salt and yeast; add 1/2 cup butter. With mixer at low speed, gradually pour 2 cups hot water (120' to 130'F) into dry ingredients. Add egg. Increase speed to medium. Beat 2 minutes, occasionally scraping bowl with rubber spatula. Beat in 3/4 cup flour or enough to make a thick batter. Continue beating 2 minutes, occasionally scraping the bowl. With a spoon stir in enough additional flour (about 2 1/2 cups) to make a soft dough.

2. Turn dough onto lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. Shape dough into a ball and place in greased large bowl, turning over so that the top of dough is greased. Cover with a towel. Let rise in a warm place (8-0' to 85'F) until doubled, about 1 1/2 hours.

3. Punch down dough by pushing down the center of the dough with fist, then pushing the edges of dough into center. Turn dough onto lightly floured surface. Knead lightly to make a smooth ball. Cover with bowl for 15 minutes and let dough rest.

4. In a 17 1/4" by 11 1/2" roasting pan, over low heat, melt the remaining 1/2 cup butter. Tilt the pan to grease bottom.

5. On lightly floured surface with floured rolling pin, roll dough 1/2 inch thick. With floured 2 2/4 inch round cutter, cut dough into circles. Holding dough circle by the edge, dip both sides into melted butter in pan. Fold in half. Arrange folded dough in rows in pan, each nearly touching the other. Knead trimmings together, re-roll and cut more rolls. Cover pan with towel. Let dough rise in warm place until doubled, about 40 minutes.

6. Meanwhile, preheat over to 425'F. Bake rolls 18-20 minutes until browned. Makes about 3 1/2 dozen.

No, not low calorie, but delicious. They get eaten every time and are still good a few days later, especially if you heat them up again.

Defining Normal Birth for the Next Generation

2010-12-10T01:58:00.000-08:00

A client of mine posted the pictures from her birth that I took on her Facebook. I was looking through them and Ian said,"Oh is that a baby right after it came out?"

Me: Yes, if we have another baby maybe we can do it here and you can see the baby come out.

Ian: Cool! But we need a pool, right?"

The Tree is Up

2010-12-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

We are usually traveling at Christmas but since we were in the States for a month in August, we decided to stay home this year. Our first Christmas as a married couple was spent living in Egypt. One of the best things to buy in Egypt is glass Christmas ornaments. So we bought a ton and most of our ornaments are glass. With little ones this doesn't work out too well. I still put a few on the tree for sparkle, but try to use less fragile ornaments near the bottom for the kids. They still managed to break an ornament yesterday but it is still usable.

Curt made hot cocoa and Eva loved it. "My coke! More coke!"

They had fun decorating. I rearranged some of the ornaments because they clustered them.

Ian have extra Christmas stockings and the kids put them all on and danced around to the music.

Peace.

2010-12-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

Koreans love to make the peace sign in photos. Since Ian has started at Korean preschool, he makes the peace sign in most photos. When he turned 4, he started showing 4 fingers in photos.

Sometimes, he likes to really mix it up and show 10 fingers. Eva is trying to copy him here as well.

The Bug in Beijing

2010-11-28T21:54:00.000-08:00

So, Beijing in late November was perhaps an overambitious endeavor with small children. Yes, we knew it was going to be cold, but the timing worked out and we really didn't want any more time to pass without having set foot in China. The Saturday night before we left, Ian had a fever. He was sluggish on Sunday, but Monday morning when we left, his fever was gone. I, however, had a slight tickle in the back of my throat that I suspected was about to turn into a cold.

Our family was traveling with another couple. We were all greeted by the guide at the airport and taken to our hotels. It was sunny and much warmer than I expected. Our friends got settled in and then joined us at our hotel. We went walking to find lunch and decided on a noodle place not too far from the hotel. Eva promptly took off her socks and shoes. It is her current obsession. She refused to put them back on. After putting them back on about 20 times, we gave up and let her run around the restaurant bare foot.

After lunch we walked around and browsed in some shops. Eva took her shoes and socks off again. In Korea, hundreds of halmonis (grandmothers) would have dived rolled over to us to put them back on, but in China, we only got a few confused looks. When Curt was by himself with Eva, he was approached, but when I was there, no one said anything. Hey, I wanted her to wear her shoes as well, but after wrestling with her in the airport, on the streets of Beijing and at the restaurant, I realized I was not going to win this one.

By that night, I was sick. Curt and Ian started to cough as well. I had weakness, aches and a hacking cough. After a restless night, we pulled ourselves together to go see the Great Wall. Ian and I were cooked. We made it in front of the entrance to get our picture taken, but had to immediately retreat to the bus. Ian was crying just getting his picture taken. Curt put Eva in the baby carrier and hiked up with our friends. Ian and I huddled on the bus and felt like we were dying.

We stopped for lunch on the way back to the hotel. They made my boiled Coke with ginger to drink. I couldn't eat anything, but the spread looked great. They stopped at a pharmacy to pick up some medicine. The ingredients involved earthworms and dried human placenta so Curt skipped it. I am still breastfeeding and he asked if it was safe for breastfeeding and they said no. They finally gave him something else, but I didn't take it. Our friends continued on the tour and we crashed at the hotel.

By the time we got to the hotel, Curt was going down. We lay on the bed in agony while Eva skipped around the room and found things to destroy. Between the breastfeeding, nose-picking and her refusal to wear shoes, she seems to have built up quite and immune system.

The next day, we gathered our strength for the second day of tours. The guide told us to leave the stroller on the bus, but Ian was in no shape to walk, so we insisted on bringing it. I am so glad we did! There was so much walking in the freezing cold! Ian was bundled under a blanket sleeping and Eva was in the baby carrier. As the wind whipped around and through me, I started thinking that this was a bad plan. Still, we were determined to make the most of it.

The retired people gather in the park for exercises and gambling. Our guide said that the Chinese only gamble for fun, if there's no money involved, there's no fun.

Again, we bailed after part 1 of the tour. We ordered room service at the hotel for lunch. (I knew Curt must be really sick if he suggested that). Again, more lying around and more kid-destruction as Ian started to feel better.

We decided to have a much more laid back plan for Day 4, eating Peiking Duck to celebrate American Thanksgiving. Our friends were staying at the Grand Hyatt and the Peiking Duck at the Made in China restaurant there got very good reviews so we jumped in a cab and headed over.

What a great restaurant! The place is decorated with fresh ingredients, teapots and other cook wear. You can see the cooks pulling with duck out of the wood fired oven. Other cooks are making handmade noodles and dumplings in the open. We had ordered two ducks and an order of noodles for the kids. Ian loved the duck so we really could have finished 3 ducks without a problem. They carve the duck at the table for you and then make you soup out of the duck bones. The duck skin is supposed to be dipped in sugar and eaten. The soup was delicious and perfect for our colds. Thankfully, I was eating again at this point.

Our final morning in Beijing was spent freezing our butts off looking for treasures at an outdoor market. I picked up an iron Buddha head, some beads, brass door knockers and a metal fish lock. Our friend helped us bargain. I hate to negotiate, but I bought myself a bracelet and negotiated for it. My friend's perspective is good, just decide what you want to pay and as long as you are getting a good deal compared to Korea, then who cares? These people were going to be out in the cold all day so why squeeze them for the last RMB? It was too cold for how long it would take. We did, however, get their prices down a lot because the initial was almost always $100. I didn't have the energy to take pictures, but my friend did. They would have been great pictures with my camera. Again, Ian spent this adventure under a blanket in the Terrain.

We are back in Seoul, still recovering. We have a double entry visa so we might try to go back before it expires. In the meantime, we need to find a beach somewhere warm to go next!

Ian Met His President

2010-11-12T05:02:00.000-08:00

Ian is a long time supporter of President Obama. Ian started talking to Obama on his toy cell phone during the election. He just picked up in him from tv. He would put his cell phone to his ear and say,"Hello, Barack Obama. Are you workin?"

Then, he'd put the phone down and look at me and say,"He's workin'."

I was an Obama supporter so when he started doing that, I ordered him a cool Barack Obama shirt. He wore it for Election night and day.

When Ian sees Obama on the television he says,"Hey, that's my President."

Curt asked him if he wanted to see President Obama and Ian said,"He's too far, I think he's in the 'nited States."

President Obama was in town this past week for the G-20 Summit and participated in some Veteran's Day activities on Yongsan. We had a great view and even showed the President Ian's shirt. Both Curt and Ian shook his hand and he complimented Eva's dress (which she picked out herself).

We had to be there about 2 hours before the event. A lot of gates were shut down and driving was restricted so we walked with the kids in the double stroller. It was cold and windy, but there was a warming tent. Then, it warmed up enough to hang outside. The kids had fun running around and Eva insisted on taking her coat off. I said,"Coat on."

She said,"No. My dress!"

I thought she was too young for that kind of stuff, but recently she has become very opinionated about her clothing. She didn't want her coat covering her dress.

Then, she got bored and started demanding to nurse. I had to nurse her and try to take pictures of the President. I did get her to release (not easy lately) so she could meet the President.

Here is President Obama straightening Ian's shirt so he could see it better.

Here he is talking to Eva. You can't see Eva and I in the picture, but that is the moment.

Back to the Races

2010-11-06T06:28:00.000-07:00

We ran/walked a 5K today. Curt pushed Ian and Eva in the Mountain Buggy Urban Double Stroller. I will be blogging over at Mountain Buggy about our adventures, but this post is more about hitting the Doughnut Plant afterwards.
Warming up:

Curt and the kids had to break away from me, because I wanted to walk more than run. Even with a few stops they had to make along the way for kid issues, they still finished a few minutes ahead of me. As I was run/walking I was thinking about the women in labor that I support. Labor is often compared to a marathon, but you really can sleep during labor or go limp and your body will keep working. Not so, with running. Still, as I was having this thought, I passed a mom telling her kids,"If you would just concentrate on your breathing it wouldn't hurt so much." So, I tried to focus on breathing and it did help. I ran during the final stretch. Here I am after coming across the finish line.

Celebrating our effort at Doughnut Plant afterwards.

Photo Holiday Cards from Shutterfly

2010-11-04T17:42:00.001-07:00

I love holiday photo cards, both giving and receiving them. It is fun to see friends and family through the years and much more personal than the standard boxed holiday cards. For the past few years, I've ordered my cards through Shutterfly. Shutterfly has a wide range of designs and offers folded greeting cards, flat stationary cards and flat photo cards. There is no minimum purchase for the folded greeting cards. Flat photo cards can be purchased in sets of 12. I like that you can have cards made with minimal investment. Personally, I prefer the folded greeting cards, but if getting all of your cards as folded greeting cards would bust your budget, you can get just a few for very close friends and family and order the rest as flat photo cards. Also, if you are really running short on time, Shutterfly will mail the cards directly to your recipients.

There are lots of great designs this year, including Story Cards. I am thinking of using the Story Cards for my holiday cards this year. This design is would be great for baby's first year or to show all of your adventures throughout the year. This design has a section inside for 4 pictures with text boxes so you can say what individual family members have been doing. This design is a short version of the holiday letter. I think people appreciate pictures with short text more than a 3 page holiday letter.

I may just go simpler, though. Something like this or this where the picture is the primary feature. Or, if I have a good grouping of related photos, maybe this. I need to look at the pictures I have. I need to get on it, to since it is November already and the time between Halloween and New Years seems to fly by.

I've also ordered many photo gifts through Shutterfly including calendars, ornaments and necklaces. Last year, our Christmas card pictures made awesome keepsake ornaments.

Do you want 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly? Click here to go to Shutterfly for information on how you can get 50 free cards this holiday season, and make sure to select Clever 1000 as the referral source. This post is part of a series sponsored by Shutterfly.

Slacker Blog Friends

2010-11-02T03:41:00.000-07:00

I have blog friends and friends with blogs. My blog friends are people who I got to know through comments and correspondence on our blogs. My friends with blogs, I got to know in real life and since they blogged, I linked to them. I was just checking through my links to make sure they were all still good when I started to notice that many of my good friends IRL, are slacker bloggers.

Friends, I love you, but if you don't post as least once a month (or two) I am going to have to delete you. You are probably all on Facebook anyway and I won't miss a thing. When I started Facebook, I too, seriously slacked on my blog. I'm still not sure my blog is relevant, but I will keep it going for the family at least (they STILL aren't on Facebook).

So, don't be offended if you notice that you are gone from my sidebar. If you start posting again, I will link again!

Ian's Dream Spot

2010-11-01T01:51:00.000-07:00

The teacher asked the kids in Ian's class where they would go if they could go anywhere in the world. She got various answers like,"Lotte World" and "Burger King". Ian said,"Pennsylvania."

Teacher asked,"Why do you want to go to Pennsylvania."

Ian replies,"My grandma lives there!"

Good Big Brother

2010-10-31T03:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, she hits him. Yes, she bites him. Yes, she climbs on him. And he gets mad.

But, he is a good big brother.

Tonight, after eating his dinner, Ian was allowed to pick a treat from the Halloween bag. Eva was not. She did not eat enough dinner. She through a terrible screaming fit. "Pop!" she shrieked as it she were being violently attacked. I took her in the bedroom to calm her down by nursing.

Ian came in with her milk cup,"I think Eva wants to finish now. I will tell her its good so she can have candy."

I said,"Try, but I don't think she will finish her dinner. It is o.k. for her not to finish her dinner, but if she doesn't, she can't have a lollipop. "

She again refused to eat her rice and drink her cow's milk and began frantically jumping and pointing at the cabinet where the candy is kept.

Ian,"Maybe tonight she can just have candy. Tomorrow she'll eat a good dinner first, but tonight she should just have candy,mom. She really wants a lollipop."

Of course, that got a big no from mama. Then, he said,"Eva come here."

I suspected he was going to share his lollipop and had to shut him down but complimented him for trying to share.

Halloween 2010

2010-10-30T04:53:00.000-07:00

This year I actually ordered and received the Halloween costumes in August. I was ready. Ian decided to be a dinosaur and I picked a butterfly for Eva.

Friday, Ian's school had a Halloween party. I had a bad feeling that the dinosaur head would not make it home, but it was a dress up party so I sent his costume in anyway. When I picked him up from the bus, I made sure to check his bag for his costume. It was tied into a tin plastic bag.I didn't think the bag was big enough for the head and body so I opened the bag. It exploded! The tail had ripped and all the stuffing was coming out which was why it was stuffed into that bag. And, of course, the head was missing. So was his back pack. I got on the bus and looked for both, but all I found was someone else's back pack. Since I did not have the contact info for that child's parents, I figured we were out of luck until Monday unless I wanted to call the school and make things complicated.

The school called me to apologize for the costume destruction. I'm still not sure what happened. I think over-exicted kids + candy =destruction. The teacher also said that the head had indeed been left at school. I suppose I could have jumped in the car and driven to Apgu in rush hour traffic, but since Ian was not super attached to the costume I decided we'd just have to figure out something out.

Plan B: Try on the pirate costume from last year.

Plan C: Borrow friend Nathanial's clown costume from last year.

Plan D: Pray something is left at the PX.

Plan E: Get creative and make something.

Luckily, Plan B worked so Ian was a pirate again this year.

Today was a very busy day. It is my doula client's due date so I kept my phone very close to me. Rachel and I had a doula client interview this morning. Curt took the kids to a Fun Run, but it had been cancelled so they walked around Post until they found a dog show. We had Christmas card photos taken this afternoon. Eva was completely uncooperative because she refused to nap earlier. Then, we piled in the car and headed out Post. Before we even got through the gate, both kids were asleep. We stopped at a friend's house first to see if Ian would wake up. I would be disappointed if Eva had slept through Trick-or-Treating because her costume was so cute, but she wouldn't know the difference. Ian would, though, so I am glad he woke up. You can see from the pictures that it was a rough transition to wakefulness, but he made it and we had a great time Trick-or-Treating.

With a little prompting, Ian said "thank you" and "Trick-or-Treat" to almost everyone. Though Curt carried her for a lot of the festivities, she carried her own bag the whole time. She was really impressed with some of the decorations. They both chose a lollipop to eat when they got home. Ian didn't have a lollipop until probably last Halloween when he was 3, but Eva already knows what they are. I think she gets them from the baby sitter because I don't buy them. Oh well. When we got home we went through the candy and pulled out a lot of the really hard or sticky candy. We'll send that in to Curt's office. The rest will be rationed until it runs out.

Eva Rocks the Vintage

2010-10-23T21:14:00.001-07:00

My dress. Hand-me down leggings from Rhi. Ruffle Butts Bloomers and shoes from Ian (her choice).

In Search of My Roots

2010-10-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

I was born blonde. I think of myself as blonde. But, they truth is, that for many of us childhood blondes, staying blonde requires a lot of chemical help. It's expensive, damaging to the hair and probably not healthy to keep up with the maintenance of blonde. The reason we want to stay blonde is that our hair darkens to a non-descript, dull color that is no longer blonde but not rich enough or dark enough for brunette. I saw Chris Rock interviewed on Oprah and he asked Ali Wentworth about her natural color. She shuddered in horror when they showed a high school photograph. Same problem as me.

In order for my hair to look good, I need to highlight and straighten it which I don't do often. So, I have expensively highlighted hair pulled back in a pony tail. I'm starting to wonder what's the point of it all.

Last week or so I threatened to shave my head. As is usually the case when I threaten my hair, for the next few days, it looked really good to me. I think that is the power of denial. Then, I started thinking that shaving my head would be the best way, a fresh start, a chance to become acquainted with my natural hair color again (oh, the horrors of that thought!). Thankfully, some friends talked me out of it and after seeing another friend with a similar problem, I decided to try an alternative solution: going dark. My friend had an all-over base color and then added back in a lot of highlights. The results are much more natural that before. I decided to go dark and stay dark. I did put a few small highlights in the front, but now, I will await the emergence of my natural color (as long as I can stand it). I'll probably still have it in a pony tail a lot more than anyone over the age of 12 should, but at least I'll be saving money. Here it is:

At the Playground

2010-10-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

Hypnobabies Open House in Erie, PA

2010-10-20T03:46:00.000-07:00

Interested in Hypnobabies and live in the Erie, PA area? You are in luck! Carol Peterson, the local Hypnobabies instructor is holding an open house to answer your questions. Click here for details.

Four

2010-10-13T14:38:00.001-07:00

Ian had a family birthday this year. It was a joint party with a relative. We made flower cupcakes from the Karen Tack cupcake book. They were a pain to make, but they turned out well despite a time crunch and lack of equipment.

I was going to make boxer dog cupcakes for Ian at my cousin's house because she and Ian share a birthday and she breeds boxers. Unfortunately, the logistics just didn't work out. So, we used the Famous Chocolate Wafers that I bought to be part of the dog architecture and Curt made the cream cake dessert as listed on the cookie box.

Communication with Eva

2010-10-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

Eva is talking a lot. She speaks in short sentences. She uses some pronouns and the possessive. It is getting really fun.

She says,"What so funny? I funny!"

I usually drive to the bus stop and wait for the bus to arrive. The other day I put Ian on the bus and as I got back in the car, Eva pointed and said,"Pinch phone. Pinch phone."

I looked at my pink phone and I had a missed call.

Today as we were getting ready to pick up Ian I said,"We need to go get Ian. Where did he go?"

Eva said,"Ian Big bus."

Her favorite sentence is,"I do it!"

She loves to do things herself. She is very messy.

She says,"I finished."

I don't know how many words she says, but it is quite a few. She repeats words a lot. Ian was 20 months old when I got pregnant with Eva. He was still sort of a baby, but by the time she was born and he was 2.5, he was a boy. Eva is 19 months old and since I have been here before and know how quickly the change happens, I will enjoy the part of her that is still a baby.

It is funny because even though I have been through all the developmental things (through age 4 at least) with Ian, it is still so wonderful and miraculous and fresh to experience them with Eva.

Mullet

2010-10-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

OK we didn't stop there. His hair is actually very short. I don't have any after pictures because we haven't taken pictures this past month.

Then and Now: First Haircut

2010-08-23T15:38:00.000-07:00

Eva got her first hair cut today at the same salon with the same stylist (Carlie) that Ian did. Ian was 16 months and Eva is 17 months.

Ian got his hair cut today as well. He sat and cooperated and showed Eva just what to do. Before we went in, Ian said,"Mom, I just want you to cut my hair."

I said,"Trust me, you really don't. I can't even cut wrapping paper properly."

Post hair cut lollipops. Ian said,"Can we come here to get our hair styled again?"

Who Needs a Nursing Pillow

2010-08-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

When you have a dog's butt:

Doulas in Seoul: Morning Calm Doulas

2010-08-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

Our website has launched: Morning Calm Doulas

Then & Now: Erie Zoo Playground

2010-08-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

Ian at 14 months (2007) and Eva at 17 months (today):

Together:

2010 Mountain Buggy Terrain Stroller

2010-08-17T05:31:00.000-07:00

Eva, 17 months:

Ian, almost 4 years:

We bought a Mountain Buggy Urban Double Elite Stroller last Christmas and the only thing we regret about that purchase is that we didn't do it sooner. It pushes like a dream, even goes over snow. Curt likes to take them in the 5K Fun Runs in it, but it is great just strolling around. It is also nice when I share a babysitter because the babysitter can take Eva and the other child to the playground easily.

On this trip, I brought my 2006 Inglesina Zippy stroller on the plane. I am going to leave it at my parents' house and bring the 2010 Mountain Buggy Terrain stroller back in its place! I have a MacLaren Volo as well and it is a great lightweight umbrella stroller.

I am not a serious running (or even a non-serious jogger), but I love the smooth push of jogging strollers. Since I fall into the "urban" category more than the "runner" category, I like the flexible of a multi-position wheel. The MBT can be fixed rear for sand and snow, fixed forward for running on pavement or in swivel mode for strolling around. I will probably use it in swivel mode most of the time. I love that I don't have to tip the stroller back to go over curbs or fight the stroller on hills.

Some of the features that I like:

*Multi-position wheel as previously described
*Large air-filled tires
*Height-adjustable handle
*Harness adjusts without rethreading (love this!)
*Reinforced back
*Metal & plastic foot plate (easier to keep clean than fabric)
*Foot break for parking and hand break for running
*Better canopy than older models of Mountain Buggy
*Zippered basket
*Sleeker look than other comparable strollers

It comes with two water bottle holders and a bumper bar. I bought a tire pump (I think it really should come with one, but it wasn't that much), a rain cover (because I live in Seoul and it rains a lot) and a travel bag. We travel frequently, but even one airline trip, even if you gate check, can destroy a stroller so I strongly suggest a travel bag if you are going to take it on a plane.

Curt is going to run with it in a 5K over Labor Day so we'll be able to put it to the test.

Great-Grandma agrees it is a dream to push:

Eva enjoying the view:

Dogs!

2010-08-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

Eva was terrified of the dogs when we first arrived. By the next day she was petting them and saying,"Dog! Teddy! Ossy (Roxxy)!" By the second day:

Backyard Adventures

2010-08-17T04:50:00.001-07:00

At the Beach

2010-08-17T04:34:00.000-07:00

It was a wee bit windy:

Working Out With Uncle Dave

2010-08-17T04:29:00.000-07:00

EC Update #7

2010-08-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to lose the progress Eva made while Graham was staying with us in July, so I had a potty sent to my moms house and brought Eva's underwear. As soon as we arrived, I put her in panties. She is dry overnight and during naps. If she is bare-bottomed, she gets everything on the potty. In underwear, she sits on the potty without pulling them down and pees through them. To me, that counts! She got it on the potty. I just need to pay attention so I can get them down until she figures it out on her own. In underwear, sometimes she just pees and doesn't get to the potty, so I have her with a bare bottom in a dress, mostly. She is really doing well. I even took her to Borders in underwear. She fell asleep in car and was dry the whole time.

I don't know when she'll be at potty independence, but we've only used 1 diaper in 4 days!

Read about Amy's EC journey with 3 week old Stella.

The Business of Being a Doula

2010-08-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

Doula work is so intimate and personal that talk of money can seem distasteful and awkward. We don't do this work for the money, we do it because we love to support women through one of life's most defining experiences. However, being a doula involves heavy investments of time, emotion and money. Most of us working in Seoul have small children, so while we are meeting with women prenatally or supporting them at a birth, we are paying for babysitting for our own children. There are also travel and food expenses associated with doula work. In the beginning, most doulas jump in without consideration to the business aspect. Fees are very low to gain experience. Contracts aren't written or aren't signed until long after the work has begun.

And then...

You get burned.

This was a fiery summer in Seoul doula-land with several of us involved in some disappointing situations. Doula work, like business arrangements involving family, must be very clean and clear in the business aspects to avoid problems like the ones we experienced.

One "client" I asked to commit to us by a certain date because if I took her as a client I would have to rearrange my summer travel. Since she did not live in Seoul, we allowed her to wait until the prenatal to give the contract and deposit. She was supposed to call to tell me the time of her appointment and we would meet before or after, but she never did. I called her but they were leaving the appointment so I prepared some e-mails and we planned to meet the next week. J, my partner for that birth, and I met and discussed this client at length. We mailed materials to her and sent elaborate e-mails and prepped for the prenatal. She was hard to get a hold of and I had started to suspect she didn't want to use us but didn't know how to tell us. The prenatal never happened because she went into labor and did not call us. She said it "happened so fast there was no time" and then proceeded to tell me her 12 hour birth story. I instruct all my clients to call as soon as they "think" the might be in labor so I can make arrangements. I knew she was not telling the truth and that they had decided not to call us or decided to wait and see if they really needed us before calling. I could also tell that she did not think she owed us any money, though in our view she had committed to the deposit at least. I just wanted to get my stuff back which took three trips and was annoying, but I did get back. I just congratulated her and let her get away with it. My doula partner J, gracefully confronted her. It didn't go over well, but not horrible either. It did confirm our suspicions about what was going on with the situation.

I should have had her sign the contract and pay the deposit before I started working for her. She didn't understand the work we put in and the expenses I had. I did send her an e-mail backing up J after she talked to her. The client did not respond.

Another doula had a client cancel her services on the client's due date. The client hadn't officially signed the contract or paid the deposit and did not think that she owed anything. She had verbally committed, though and the doula considered the paperwork to be just a formality. Apparently, the parents had other ideas.

What parents need to understand is that when they hire a doula, the doula makes a big commitment to them. Doulas don't travel as much. They are on-call. If you hire a doula, but do not call her for your birth or cancel her services on your due date, you need to understand that she did not take another client because of her commitment to you. She did not take a vacation because of her commitment to you. You owe her the deposit at least.

There was another situation that was just muddy because expectations were not the same and not made clear. "We'll figure it out later" or "whatever you think I'm worth" is not good business practice. It is not good relationship practice as well because it you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

With the new doula business venture that Rachel and I are starting together, we are trying to keep the business aspect clean and clear. The first interview is just about doulas in general and what a doula can do for a family at a birth. Personalized consultations or recommendations will only be given after the contract is signed and the deposit has been paid. Why? Because they take a lot of time. Because they are part of the services that you are paying for. Because they can make the 1 hour interview meeting turn into a several hour event, an event that we are not getting paid for, but that we are paying for babysitting to attend.

With our clients going forward, we will go over the contract line-by-line at the contract signing and deposit payment so that everyone understands the expectations. I think that most people have good intentions, but when expectations don't match, someone will be disappointed.

Guest Post: Breastfeeding Through Adversity

2010-08-04T19:07:00.001-07:00

This was written by Stephanie. Her birth was my first observation birth and though, it didn't end as planned, the experience taught me a lot. Even more impressive was the way that she and her husband Kevin are handling the aftermath of a non-healing incision post-c-section, with grace, humor and dedication to each other and their daughter, Sierra.

From Stephanie:

Adversity and Breastfeeding
*Please note, this is a lengthy post to try and convey our breastfeeding experience
Background
I was due to give birth with our first child toward the end of January 2009 and I currently live in South Korea because my husband is in the military. Since I was living “outside of my comfort zone” I didn’t feel prepared to give birth and wanted a little more reinforcement. I was put in touch with a doula that a friend of mine used during her delivery about 5 months prior. After meeting with our doula, Amy, I realized that she was going to aid in my ability to have my baby naturally. I had never even thought about having a baby without the use of pain medication until I reached a certain point in my pregnancy and I thought about how I didn’t even want to take over-the-counter medication that was approved, why did I want to take “a cocktail” of drugs to just give birth.

Short summary of labor and delivery
I was 41 weeks and 1 day when I finally went into labor. I did not want to be induced and I had been monitored on a regular basis to make sure my baby was not under any stress. I spent several hours in a place set-up for expecting mothers that do not live on the army installation where I was going to give birth. I had my husband, Amy, and a doula-in-training, Karen, with me to help me achieve the birth plan that my husband and I set-up. I spent approximately 12 to 14 hours in the alternate location working through my labor before we decided as a group that it was time for me to be admitted to the hospital. I then spent another 14 to 16 hours working through contractions in the hospital. After a total of 30 hours of being in labor, the current doctor came in and told me that I had been in labor for too long and I was not progressing on my own and they had to intervene medically. At that point, I had been through a tough labor because my baby had flipped and was in an OP position several hours prior. My doula’s, husband, and I were all getting exhausted after my lengthy laboring process and once the doctor came into the room and made her statement that I wasn’t going to be able to do it on my own terms, my concentration was broken and I broke down in my husband’s arms. I remember stating to him, “get this baby out of me if she is not going to come out the way I want…NOW!!! I didn’t want to feel another contraction if it wasn’t going to result in the birth that I had discussed and worked for over the past 2 days. I would like to note that if the doctor would not have stopped us I would have probably continued for several more hours because I didn’t want to have drugs or a c-section. Would the outcome changed, I don’t really know. I do know that at the time both the baby and I were still medically okay. I then felt required to allow them to give me an epidural, what other choice did I have, and pitocin to help regulate my contractions and to allow them to “break my water.” I was then allowed to rest for about an hour while the “medical intervention” took effect. I had finally dilated and began to push for a few hours, but my baby stayed at 0 station and was not descending. My husband and I were then faced with the question of if we wanted them to use forceps or a vacuum. Thankfully I was semi-educated, due to my own research and my doula, and I didn’t want something attached to my unborn child’s head, if preventable. We opted for a c-section because it was the safest choice for our baby. In hindsight I wish I would have asked to push for longer since we were both still medically fine. However, I don’t know if I would have been allowed.

Recovery
The recovery following a c-section is very difficult and changes what you anticipate following birth. I was very firm when I told the nursing staff I did not want my baby to have formula or a pacifier after birth, unless medically there was a reason and my husband and I needed to be consulted first. After birth I was separated from my little girl, Sierra, for a little over an hour, but began to “try” my hand at breastfeeding almost the minute I was given her. She latched right on and I was elated to say the least. This was only the second item on our birth plan that was accomplished. The first was my husband announcing the gender of our baby.

1st Breastfeeding hurdle
Our attending pediatrician came into our room on one occasion to discuss with us his concern because Sierra had not began urinating and it was now a day after her birth. He told us if she didn’t urinate within the next 12 hours she would be transferred to a Korean hospital for additional care and treatment. My mind went into immediate overdrive. I knew that my body was providing Sierra colostrum and it should have been adequate, so I wasn’t worried about her getting the correct nutrition because I knew she was. Amy had helped with the education and I also read a couple of baby books and searched the internet. However, we now had another hurdle. I asked what can we/I do to help this along. I told the pediatrician that I really wanted to continue breastfeeding, but if she needs more liquid in her diet that my body isn’t producing at this point to help her urinate that I was willing to do what she needed so that she didn’t have to leave me. At that point, it was a double-edged sword because if she left she would be given formula anyways because I couldn’t be released yet. He suggested that I nurse Sierra for five minutes and then I let my husband give her formula. We did this every hour for the next three hours and Sierra probably consumed less than 2 ounces of formula the entire time. However, she peed on the nurse while she was being examined 3.5 hours later. A huge relief!!! We were in the clear.

Incision
7 days after the birth of Sierra a portion of my c-section incision opened up. This is one aspect of a c-section that is not publicized and is fairly common. My husband and I were very concerned for my safety because we didn’t know what had just happened. I didn’t feel any pain, but I had a substantial amount of fluid on my clothes, fluid on the seat where I was sitting, and it was still minimally coming out of my incision. We called our medical care provider in our area and were advised that I would be fine and to come in the morning. Just what every new, paranoid mother wants to hear. After seeing the medical team in our area they called my attending OB doctor and we had an appointment with her the following day. We were told this is fairly common, and that we should begin packing it with gauze and changing it twice a day. I also started having medical appointments twice a week at the hospital I delivered at which is over an hour away, one-way. My husband was now my primary provider of the dressing changes. I was still recovering from a c-section, now had an open incision, and was still nursing Sierra exclusively. I did not even let the idea of a bottle and formula into my mind. She was too young and I wanted to prevent the likelihood of nipple confusion. There would be times in the early days of breastfeeding that I would be feeding Sierra and my husband would literally be feeding me food because there was so much going on around us. My husband could not have been a better provider to Sierra or me and still takes care of a lot of my medical issues. I couldn’t have done any of this without him because he took care of her in the early days of her life and my only function in the beginning was to breastfeed.

Over 4 months later we were still changing my dressing and my incision was still not healing. However, I was able to maintain my ability to breastfeed Sierra. In hindsight, it sounds like we didn’t ask enough questions, but we had complete confidence in our current OB. He has been an OB doctor for over 35 years and I am the only case he has EVER seen where the patient did not heal. I also need to note that I was in the United States for a month during this time and I also went to a doctor there and he told us the same things. I just needed more time because a wound takes time to heal. After the OB doctor consulted with many other doctors in his field and in surgery, I was being referred out of the OB area to a surgeon.

Surgery
I had exploratory surgery on my abdomen on June 4. My CT scan did not show anything that was alarming so he had to get in there and see what the problem was. My surgeon removed a rind of tissue that was not allowing me to heal. Prior to my surgery I couldn’t get an answer on the type of anesthetic that was going to be used so that I could continue to breastfeed. Because of this I had to stop breastfeeding Sierra for 24 hours and this broke my heart. I hadn’t stored any milk for her because she refused to take a bottle. She just couldn’t figure it out and my husband tried on numerous occasions with milk that I had pumped. This is when our breastfeeding journey begins to get very difficult for me, Sierra, and my husband. My husband had to take care of our baby who had been nursing on her mom for the past 4 months and try a bottle. At that point we had tried almost every nipple known to man to see if she would take one and my husband had to feed her with a syringe the first few days. Then we began getting nipples that are used for newborns in the hospital because she could figure those out. Throughout my 22 day hospital stay there were many instances when I had to pump out milk that Sierra should not have because of the medication that I was given. She began to take the formula from my husband, Kevin, and it broke my heart, but I was happy she adjusted so quickly. My milk supply was no longer what it used to be, but my baby stayed loyal. She still latched on right away every morning when she can to my room. This was a very difficult time for me because this was a bond with my daughter that I wasn’t ready to give up yet, but I didn’t know what else to do. It still brings tears to my eyes to even think about my time in the hospital. After 22 days in the hospital I no longer had a sufficient milk supply for Sierra and we even started her on vegetables a little over a month earlier than I wanted. Sierra still wasn’t a huge fan of formula and I thought at least she is getting nourishment from me, formula, and vegetables.

Back Home
By the time we were released from the hospital we had finally found a nipple that she could figure out. By figuring out I mean she could still use her breastfeeding latch and the formula would still come out. I continued to breastfeed Sierra and I wanted my milk supply back and was even given information from Amy on how to make this happen, but after I thought about it, I couldn’t let myself stress about the formula anymore. Our days were still very stressful because I had/have doctor appointments that are an hour drive one way from where we live two to three times a week. Plus, I am still attached to a wound VAC that I have to carry around because it is attached via cords to my open wound. I needed to make peace with myself that she was still getting some breastmilk and I needed to come to terms with the fact that she may wean herself off breastfeeding before I wanted because of our circumstances. I was also being faced with the good possibility that I may have to undergo another surgery and I couldn’t put Sierra or my husband through that painful transition again from breastfeeding to formula because I wasn’t ready. As of today, August 4th, I am still recovering and Sierra is a little over 6 months old. I still have an open wound and a slight possibility of another surgery, but Sierra is back to breastfeeding exclusively and formula is not a part of her nutrition as of yesterday, but she still enjoys her veggies daily. When I began to realize the little amount of formula she was actually taking I began to get really excited. The one thing I did do to help increase my milk supply was to keep her at my breast for longer to help with stimulation if she was nursing/sleeping on me.

If my story can influence anyone to push pass the physical pain that you may feel in the first few weeks or adversity you might be facing, I am happy to share.

Post-Birth Feast

2010-07-30T15:12:00.001-07:00

On Monday evening, the evening after the placenta was released, I finally cut my bracelet from the Blessingway Weaving a Web activity.

After both of my births, the first place I went right after getting home from the hospital, was out for sushi. Amy loves sushi and before the birth she had said that she wanted sushi as her post-birth meal celebration. Because of the placenta issue, though, we all got distracted. By Monday evening, the food that Curt cooked, finally mostly run out. We tried to muster the brain power to come up with something for dinner but we were struggling. Then, it came to me, sushi! As soon as I said it, we were both like,"Of course, how could we have forgotten about sushi!" Josh went to Fuji on Post and brought back a feast.

Cross-Nursing, Cost-Posted

2010-07-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

My View:
Stella was latching well and nursing frequently, but with the exception of the meconium she passed on the inside, she hadn't had a good meconium poop on the outside by the second day. Since she was peeing and nursing well, the plan was to go see the pediatrician in the morning if she still hadn't pooped. Amy called the pediatrician who suggested a butt-probe. I put some petroleum jelly on a q-tip and gently twisted it around. There was a bit of mec on it when we took it out, so we knew something was in there, but hours later at the 48 hours mark, it still hadn't passed.

Since I have full-on milk because I am still nursing, Amy asked me to nurse Stella. We had already planned to have me nurse and pump for Stella if Amy had to have a c-section or surgery for retained placenta. We felt that nursing would be a much more pleasant remedy than a more aggressive butt probe by the pediatrician or messing with finger feeding formula.

Stella is the first baby that I have nursed other than my own children. It was very natural. It seemed just the right thing to do. In fact, after she was born and I held her in the Moby as we were getting ready to go to the hospital, I had an instinct to nurse her. I didn't do it at that point because she had already been nursing from her mom and I was able to get her to sleep in the Moby.

She latched perfectly and nursed for about 30 minutes. Ian and Eva (my children) were very interested. I was surprised that Ian (who is almost 4) didn't find it strange at all that I was nursing another baby. Eva (16 months) is fascinated by Stella and just kept saying,"Baby! Baby!" She eventually did get jealous, though. I attempted tandem nursing, but couldn't get into a good position for both of them. Eva patted Stella as they nursed together.

When Stella finished nursing on one side, she let go, flashed a peace sign and relaxed into the milk-drunk happy state that babies get to when they have full bellies. I offered the second side, but she just played, so I took her back to Amy.

When Amy held her, she recognized mom and wanted to nurse again. Shortly after that she had a MASSIVE butt-plosion. Amy waited through several blasts before attempting to change her and even then, more was coming out. I felt strangely proud of myself for being able to clear her out like that. In fact, it worked so well that her next poop had only a little meconium and actual poop!

The Mom's View:
Stella latched on soon after birth while we were still in the pool. She wasn't really interested in nursing but she did make contact. After we got out of the pool, we realized I was bleeding a little too much, Danica the midwife, held Stella and my breast and latched her on and helped her feed while Dr. Chung and Rosa worked on me. The contractions and fundal massage where incredibly painful and my placenta had not passed so i was really not able to hold her and nurse her myself, especially while lying flat on my back. I was glad to have an extra set of arms so that Stella didn't miss out on that very important after birth skin to skin contact.

Over the next two days, nursing continued to go well. I knew I had colostrum and on day two after birth Stella began peeing in her diaper. She had not, however, passed meconium. Generally newborns pass meconium before they pee but pee is also a sign that baby is getting plenty of colostrum to stay hydrated. I wasn't worried about her getting enough to eat but I was concerned about the lack of poop. Most healthy newborns will pass meconium by 48 hours. Stella didn't have any symptoms of an intestinal blockage like a painful or distended belly or spitting up bile or bilirubin but I did worry that if she didn't pass the mec soon that she would become jaundiced.

I talked to Karen about it and we called the pediatrician who said to insert a q-tip just a bit to see if it would stimulate a poop. We tried it and it didn't work and really it just seemed mean even though we were really gentle about it. I knew that if we took her in that they would do it again but more aggressively and that they'd poke and prod the rest of her. I figured that a little extra fluid would be enough to push the poop right out but my milk hadn't come in yet. I didn't get milk until six days postpartum with Graham so I was a little worried about waiting because I didn't know how long it would take this time. Karen and I had already discussed her nursing Stella if i had a repeat c/s or surgery for the retained placenta so I knew she was ok nursing Stella if I wanted her to. I really wanted to avoid formula and bottles at all costs and Karen had no hangups about nursing someone elses baby. We decided once we hit the 48 hour mark after birth without a poop that we'd give it a shot.

Karen nursed Stella for about a half hour and the baby was quite content. I didn't feel the least bit weird about it, I was really grateful to not only have a friend close enough to do this but also to have a much more gentle approach to stimulating a poop. This just seemed like the natural course of action and even Karen's kids didn't seem phased by it. Of course, her 16 month old wanted in on the action but that's to be expected. Once Stella was finished, Karen brought her back to me in a milk coma. She did stir and want to nurse from me some more which was great because she knew she was back to mama. While I was nursing her she began to pass some rather loud and very smelly gas. I pumped her legs, pushing her knees up to her belly and held them with a little pressure, then released and repeated. After a couple of minutes Stella emptied out for a good five minutes. I gave her time to finish before I began to change her but she was still pooping when I opened the diaper so I just swapped it out for a clean one and let her lay on it while she finished. It was thick black tarry meconium and a lot of it. She pretty much cleaned herself out with that one poop. The next one she made, a few hours later, had only a little black mec and the rest was the yellow seedy breast milk fed baby poop. That was the last of the mec.

I was so excited. It was nice to have an instinct and be right and take care of her in a gentle peaceful way. And what better friend could a new mom ask for than one who will nurse your baby without a moments hesitation or thought about it? The funny thing is that almost immediately after all of this took place, i felt the tingling in my breast that signaled the beginning of engorgement. I knew my milk was on the way. By the next morning, I had a nice big full supply.

Coffee Date

2010-07-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

She Runs:

She Blows Kisses:

She eats whipped cream and refuses to accept that iced lattes are not for babies.

Lessons From Our Homebirth

2010-07-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

By "our" I mean Amy's birth at my house.

1. Get a birth pool! Water is excellent for relaxation and pain relief--the aqua-dural as midwives call it. It also contains the mess if you give birth in the pool. We had the La Bassine. It is an oval-shaped pool which requires less water to get the depth you need. There are lots of options for birth pools, including rental. Here are some things to keep in mind:

*You need a pool that is deep enough to cover your belly.
*It should have inflatable sides and bottom for comfort and stability.
*You can buy a cheap pool (kiddie pool sometimes referred to as the fishy pool), but don't cheap out on accessories.
*The air pump will inflate and deflates the pool quickly.
*The submersible water pump will make clean up much easier.
*If you don't use a liner, you can get clearer video/pictures through the pool, however, using a liner makes cleaning up much easier. After you pump the water out, you just bag up the liner and through it away.
*You need two hoses: one for intake and one for out-take. This will enable you to remove cold water and add hot water without using buckets or having to reverse the hose. (We didn't have two hoses that reached and it was a pain in the butt and messy).
*As an alternative to two hoses, or in addition to, two hoses, you can get a submersible heater to keep the water warm. Removing water helps keep the water clean, though. Two hoses with a heater would help keep at least one hose clean.
*An waterproof flashlight is helpful.
*A fish net for removing "floaters".
*A tarp and sheet underneath for protecting the floor from water and keeping it from getting slippery.

2. You can never have too many towels. I was doing laundry all night to keep up with the towels and rags. A lot of the use was caused by the mishaps when reversing hoses or bucketing water in and out. Still, have lots of towels that can be used for messes.

3. Put out blankets and snacks for your birth team. It may be long and after you go into labor land, you will no longer be able to effectively host.

4. Put a sign on the door telling people not to ring the bell to limit disturbances or disconnect the bell.

5. Have a dedicated childcare provider for any children in the house. Our nanny help got us through, but it was still difficult. Amy's two year old, Graham alternated from giving her sweet kisses and pats, to dive bombing in the unfilled pool and jumping on her back during contractions. He was very calm during pushing even though she made loud noises, but he peed on the wall during pushing. He also got very upset when the baby came out. Some kids might have been upset by the noises mom makes in labor. It is just good to have options. The nannies were able to take him (and my kids) to play sometimes and keep them occupied. It was harder for Graham because he was not in his own house so Josh (his dad) had to provide most of the care for him in the house and couldn't be with Amy as much. There were many of us to attend to Amy and Josh did get some time with her, but little kids require attention and it is hard to predict how they will react. My kids were also running around and trying to get in the room. The nannies were able to keep them out for the most part, but they are still little kids and persistent. If we hadn't had help, it would have been total chaos with the three little ones!

6. Consider the lighting. I know better, but we ran out of time. In deep labor, most women like low-lighting. Having light sources set up to get better pictures while still keeping the lights low.

7. Waterproof case for iPod. It took awhile, but Amy dropped her iPod into the pool and then had to plug her head phones into her laptop which limited her mobility. If you aren't laboring in water, you could use a sports arm band, but in water, you might forget and dunk it.

8. Organize electronic equipment so you can keep everything charged. We did pretty well with this one, but it was hard. We had to really stay on top of things.

9. Have a hospital transfer bag with birth preferences. You will most likely not need it, but it is good to be prepared. Most transfers from homebirth are non-emergent, like ours. You still have options, even if you have a c-section. For example, Amy and Josh did not know the sex. Had she needed a c-section, Josh could have requested to be the one to announce the sex.

10. Don't throw your bra into the bloody pool when taking it off for skin to skin with the baby after birth. (Thank you, Biz for rescuing the expensive new bra).

11. Two layers of plastic sheets and cotton sheets on the bed. Even if you are planning a waterbirth, you should set the bed up as a birthing bed. Amy, did give birth in the water, but the midwife did AROM on the bed. You could always have SROM or bloody show on the bed as well. Many women who plan to give birth in the water have to get out because of a complication or they just decide in the moment that they do want out. The last thing you want to be doing is trying to get the bed ready for mom during pushing. With two layers of protection, you can take off the first layer after the birth or labor mess and mom and be in a clean, but still protected mattress. We had a king-sized bed for Amy and she bought king-sized plastic sheets for about $10 from the waterbirth site. They worked really well. and gave total mattress protection.

12. Post-partum herbal bath. Amy loved it. I'll have to get the link from her, but it was great. I drew the bath for her Sunday night and we drank out champagne as she relaxed.

13. Champagne and birthday cake and chocolates. Always a good idea. We didn't get to do the champagne toast until Monday afternoon when the doctor and nurse came to check on Amy and examine the placenta, but it was lovely, indeed.

14. Food: Big batches of microwaveable food. My husband went a little crazy Friday night with cooking, He didn't know what to do with himself and wanted to be useful so he cooked and cooked and cooked. The birth team was well-fed and we were able to keep eating for the next few days by just microwaving. Crockpot food would be good as well. Plenty of snacks and drinks on hand for mom and birth team.

15. Straw water bottle for mom so she doesn't have to worry about spilling. Amy had some of these, but forgot them.

16. Be aware of temperature control and have the ability to quickly change it by fans, blankets, a/c, etc. Moms get hot and cold quickly in labor. Eva destroyed the second a/c remote (in Korea every room has its own a/c unit) so we were constantly running
the remote back and forth until I finally found another remote.

Amy might have a few things to add to this list, but that is what comes to mind right away.

Stella by Starlight: The Most Important Birth I've Ever Attended (HBWAC with Inverted T)

2010-07-24T22:43:00.001-07:00

My friend Amy gave birth to a baby girl last night at my home in the water. It was an HWBAC with Inverted T. For those of you, not deeply involved in the birth world, that stands for Home Water Birth After Cesarean with Inverted T incision.

Amy and I started talking through my blog and over e-mail a few months before the Passion for Birth conference that Amy organized. When we met in person it was instant sisterhood. Just like the decision to marry my husband, there was no asking, I just knew: I would be with her at the birth. Due to the higher risk of rupture associated with her scar type*, the military hospital risked her out of a VBAC attempt. As a result, they were planning to request posting in Georgia with an early return of dependents so that she could VBAC with Dr. Tate outside of Atlanta. I own at house in Georgia because my sister is going to medical school there so I planned to go to Georgia for the summer and wait for her to give birth. In the midst of all these plans, I asked her why she didn't want to use Dr. Chung. She thought he wouldn't take her on, but hadn't asked him. Since I knew that he had attended a vaginal breech, I encouraged Amy to meet with him. Amy is very prepared and wanted to be taken seriously so she assembled a packet of information including a copy of the Landon Study (huge VBAC study) that shows the risks of rupture, no matter what the incision, to be very low. The study includes VBACs that were induced or augmented and women with multiple c-sections and alternative scar types and the rupture rate was still very low (1.9%, not the 15% that Amy was quoted by the doctor who performed her c-section). Dr. Chung accepted Amy and thanked her for providing the information. He encouraged her to give him anything she thought would make him a better doctor for her.

Anyway, from the Passion for Birth seminar (which was right around conception), we have been planning for this birth. I worked harder to prepare for this birth than my own VBAC, and I worked pretty hard for Eva's birth. Thankfully, Amy and I have the same cell provider or I would have had to re-mortgage the Georgia house to pay the bill.

When I scheduled my cesarean for breech, I felt like I had no other realistic options. After attending an ICAN meeting after Ian was born to support a friend, I left horrified and traumatized. My c-section was a very positive experience, but I heard woman tell stories of being brutalized and bullied by their care providers. The level of trauma was so deep and terrifying that I wanted to schedule my next c-section right then and there and I wasn't even pregnant. Carol Peterson, the childbirth educator from my pregnancy with Ian and Michelle Totleben, my doula from my pregnancy with Ian talked me off the ledge and I knew deep in my soul, that I would never feel powerless again. I decided that having a truly supportive care provider was the most important factor that I could control in a VBAC attempt. As such, I changed care providers three times and flew halfway around the world and still had to drive 2 hours to find the right provider for me.

Amy and I connected deeply because I understood exactly why she was planning to go such great lengths to have a VBAC attempt. In order for her to process her c-section, she researched and became a doula and childbirth educator. I told her that for my VBAC I decided to choose a supportive provider, do everything I could to prepare physically and emotionally and then choose to be at peace about whatever happened as long as I preserved my autonomy and was respected. I committed to her that we would work to do everything possible to prepare her in every way and that is what we did.

In order to support her, I became a doula. I attended 5 births before hers. I found it very intuitive, but there is a lot of processing for doulas to do after births and I am glad I had practice so that I could be the support she needed.

Our preparations:
Amy took a 12-week Bradley Method class during her first pregnancy. I used Hypnobabies for my VBAC and encouraged Amy to try it. I had a quick, manageable and intense but virtually painless VBAC. Amy is an internal laborer and I thought Hypnobabies on the iPod would work well with her style.
My friend and current doula partner, Rachel, had an incredible birth experience. The fact that she did not have a c-section, especially in Korea was astounding. She used the Pink Kit and it got her through. Because Amy had malpositioning problems in her first pregnancy, I thought the pelvic mapping might help. She had been in communication with Gail Tully of Spinning Babies since her first birth, but having the Pink Kit mapping allowed her to speak to Gail in Gail's language, which enabled Gail to help her from such a distance. Gail said that with Amy's anthropoid, yet, roomy pelvis, that engagement would be a problem, but birthing would not. That proved to be true.

Amy visited the chiropractor, drank red raspberry leaf tea and other herbs, ate a high-protein diet and watched her sugar in-take. She exercised and worked on Optimal Fetal Positioning using Spinning Babies exercises. We read birth stories and she was in touch with other inverted T moms.

I can't express how much physical, emotional and intellectual energy we put into the preparations. It was as if I was giving birth myself. We are both planners and were about to talk and plan for every scenario in detail. We had plans for ideal homebirth, hospital transfer and c-section. I believe in acknowledging all possibilities to create the best experience no matter what happens.

I threw a Blessingway for her to get her used to receiving, instead of giving. I invited some of the clients whose births had most impacted her an all of the local doulas. I wanted to make things beautiful and special to show her that she was worthy of effort and give her an opportunity to practice receiving.

Amy's husband had to go to the field and she lives 2 hours from Seoul. She was nervous about being away from home because she likes routine and structure and loves her dogs and her garden, but she was also dreading the 2 hours ride and didn't want to go into labor in Dongducheon. So, I urged her to just come. She arrived on her due date and began settling in. We ate good food made from vegetables from her garden. We walked a lot and readied the house. The kids played well together and we just tried to establish a routine. During the time she was here, her son Graham, helped Eva move to the next level of potty learning (going by herself) and Eva started talking A LOT. She came on Thursday, July 15 and started having contractions on Wednesday, July 21. They were noticeable, but mild so I tried to distract her with another walk to IPark Mall. We ate Ja Jang Myeon and sweet and sour chicken at a Chinese restaurant that she used to frequent when she lived in Seoul.

She didn't have a girl's name and didn't know the sex, so I got out some baby name books and we started playing on the Nymbler baby name site. I kept saying names and she rejected most of them. Finally, we had a list of 6 and I said,"I like Stella the best. That name was on my list before. It's very yell-able, an important quality in choosing a kid's name. "

Then I yelled,"Stelllllll-laaa!"

She said,"That's what Josh said when I mentioned it before."

I said,"What about Stella by Starlight? She didn't know it, so I played it for her and she liked it. Instantly, we knew that Stella was the name. She texted her husband and he texted back that he liked it.

She told her husband that she was having some mild contractions and he decided to come to Seoul. They left my house and checked into the Dragon Hill Lodge on Post to spend some private time as a family of three.

Thursday, the contractions were more regular and a little more noticeable. They walked and walked. I spent the evening nesting. I mended the birds from the Blessingway (that represented the clients she'd doula'd for), washed the sheets and made up the birthing bed, used her steam cleaner on everything and cooked a big pasta salad. My body must have known something was happening because I posted on Twitter that I was nesting. I went to bed at 1am, the same time that Amy was awakened by a contraction. She texted me about 3am that she was having contractions that she couldn't sleep through. We decided they should pack up and come back to my house. I moved Ian into my room so they could put Graham down and waited for them to arrive.

They came about 4:30am and I sent a text to Dr. Chung letting him know that she was warming up but didn't need him, yet. She put on Easy First Stage of Labor (Hypnobabies) and worked through the contractions all day Friday. They were steady and more intense, but she was still social in between. She was surprised by how different the labor felt from the first time. Even though we had lots of nanny help during the week leading up to the birth and throughout the birth, managing the children was a challenge. The nannies saved our sanity and kept the chaos to a manageable level. Josh (her husband) went out for supplies and to get lunch for their son Graham. The nanny took my kids to the playground and we took a short nap. After lunch, Amy and Josh went for a walk. She continued to labor on the birth ball and she had most of the day because, in accordance with Pink Kit principles, it made the contractions come and it made her feel open in the pelvis. She kept herself amused by updating Facebook. Her contractions started to space out so at 3:32pm, I tried a Hip Lift (Pink Kit maneuver) and she said,"That did something!" With her pelvic shape it made a lot of sense to create space that way. I tried the other side and contractions picked up in intensity. I texted Rachel (my doula partner) and she happened to be near my house. She came over. Amy took a shower and then we tried the Hip Lift again. Again, there was a major shift in intensity and she was no longer talking between contractions (and I could no longer make note of important details like,"Ticklish right butt-cheek during Hip Lift"). It was about 6pm. At 6:15pm, Danica (Dr. Chung's midwife) called to check in on us. (I told her it was time for her to come. I had to start doing her Facebook updates!)They were eating dinner so I told them to take their time, but make their way over. Danica arrived and checked o the baby. Dr. Chung, Midwife Rosa and Danica ate and camped out in the office. (My husband, was frenetically cooking because he didn't know what else to do. He made chicken, risotto, carmelized mushrooms and chicken wings. We got him to make chocolate covered strawberries as well since Amy was beyond making them as a labor project).

To doula for a mom who is also doula is a difficult job because it is hard the doula mom to stop being a doula and just be a mom. Because she had been a very internal laborer with her first, I tried to be present, but hands off. She was managing well and we just hung out for the first day. It was interesting because there were some things that she wouldn;t accept from me, that she accepted from others like pouring water over her back or light touch massage. I tried to do them, but she said to stop before she gave herslf a chance to see if she liked it. Then Danica did those things and she didn't feel as free and quick to tell her to stop so she realized she liked them and later asked me to do it as well. Mainly, she needed the temperature adjusted (a/c on and off), water, and chapstick. Pretty easy to meet except that Eva had destroyed the second a/c remote so the one we had kept disappearing to other rooms. Finally, I found another remote. Her chaptick kept getting lost on the bed or walking out the room in someone's pockets. While trying to manage the kid craziness, the birth pool and laundry, we struggled a bit to find our rhythm to help her with these needs and handle the chaos in the house. There were 12 people there at one point so it was a bit mof a mad house, but the room she was birthing in was on the far end of the house so I think we did quite well considering.

About midnight, she requested a vaginal exam. She was complete, but still at minus 2. I put the champagne glasses in the refrigerator because I thought she'd surely be done by morning. Rosa had Amy do 30 minutes of abdominal lifting followed by 30 minutes of hip swaying, followed by an hour of laying on her side with her bottom arm under her (classic Bradley position that Amy hates). Everyone went sleep by Josh, Amy and I. Amy started to lose it during this point. She said,"I can't do this. It hurts too much."

I stayed right with her and said,"Yes you can. You can do it until 4am. Rosa said to do it for an hour. Just do one at a time."

She struggled and lost her focus and control. She said,"I'll do one more contraction and then I have to get up."

I said,"OK, but stay down during this last contraction."

She did and I looked at the clock,"You did it, you made it to 4am!"

She got back in the pool. Everyone was asleep at this point and telling me that I should sleep also. "I'll sleep when it doesn't matter." I knew I couldn't leave her. The light was coming through the window and she said,"I can't do this anymore. It is time to go to the hospital. I need an epidural or a c-section. It's just not worth it. A VBAC at what cost?"

She said this with a bossy, confident tone. I chose not to believe her. I had to muster my strength and get tough with Amy Fuller. I remembered all the things she said to clients or said about certain labors and just calmly looked at her and said,"Your water hasn't broken, you still have options. No one else is talking like this so why even go there. And besides, everyone is sleeping."

She glared at me as if to say,"Wake them up."

I gave her "the Korean shrug and smile".

She barked back at me,"I'm tired."

I said with complete yoga perfection,"So sleep."

She huffed and laid her head on the side of the pool and went to sleep. She was in an extremely relaxed sleep between contractions. When she had one, she'd wake and rocked her hips in the pool. I just sat on the bed watching her and thought about the yoga principle of "faithfulness". In my yoga class, during Sambhavi Mudra in meditation, You had to think of images to conjure feelings of Pride, Artistry, Ego, Solidity and Faithfulness. I always chose to visualize myself by Amy's side in labor. After awhile, I dozed on the bed between contractions. She woke up about 2.5 hours later. She had gotten a good rest and her contractions were spacing. She got out of the pool and Rosa checked her. The baby was still minus 2, but had changed position. Dr. Chung told me to rest. I left the room and went to cry.

Out in the livingroom, I told Dr. Chung that I felt guilty that my VBAC had been so easy and that Amy's was so hard. Dr. Chung told me that we have different bodies and that," Amy just needs more time. Everything with Amy takes more time." He also said,"Empathy is good, but sympathy won't help anyone. You have to be strong in your face."

I told him that I had been strong with her overnight, but I was starting to worry. But, I realized that he was not worried and neither was Rosa, so I went to take a short nap and relaxed. He said,"The body is wise and she probably needs to rest, so she should rest."

Her contractions had spaced to the point that she went in the livingroom. It was like she wasn't in labor anymore. Rachel left when the nanny arrived for the day. After I woke up, I got her something to eat. She puked, ate and puked again. Her contractions picked up. Dr. Chung discussed the options of going to SCH to break the water. Amy asked if he could do it at the house,"He said he's consider it." Rosa had wanted to break the water earlier and was confident that she could do it safely. So, after everyone, including Amy discussing things, we decided that they would go to lunch and break the water upon their return. When they got back, they monitored the baby and then Rosa broke the water during a contraction. The baby's head moved down and Amy started pushing. There was light meconium in the water and baby's heart rate elevated so they put Amy on oxygen. After the baby recovered, she got back in the tub. I knew she'd have to be loud, but might not want to be so I told her to be a lion and "roar the baby out". She did! She pushed and pushed with her urges in the pool. It took a few hours, but finally the baby's head was out. I said,"The head is out Amy, you did it!" Josh poised himself to catch and Stella slid out. Amy's son Graham, who had been watching quietly during pushing and her roaring and was not disruptive at all (except when he full-on peed on the wall next to the birth pool and cracked us up by saying,"Oh shit" over and over) lost it when he saw the baby. He shreiked and cried and had to be taken out of the room. Poor, little guy! Amy held her baby and looked around. I hugged her while trying to run video and take pictures and said,"You did it! A freaking miracle!" I started crying from relief and joy. Amy lifted the baby's leg and said,"It's Stella."

I grabbed my laptop and played,"Stella by Starlight". It was 8:10pm, so it was indeed by starlight.

But, the story wasn't over, because, as Dr. Chung says,"Everything with Amy takes more time." Her placenta didn't pass. She was bleeding so he massaged her uterus to slow it down and tried to gently help the placenta release. Danica nursed Stella with Amy's breast while Amy endured. After a few hours, Dr. Chung suggested transferring to SCH for monitoring overnight. Josh put Graham to bed and I wrapped Stella in the Moby. Then, we made our way to SCH. I got them settled and helped Josh wrap Stella in the Moby. I got home about 1:30 am and relieved the nanny.

Dr. Chung visited her the next day. Her bleeding was normal and labs showed no signs of infection. He decided to let her come back to my house and monitor daily to see if the placenta would come out on its own before attempting a manual or surgical extraction since she had an anterior placenta and a partial vertical incision. About 1:30am, Josh knocked on my door and said,"Karen, the placenta's out!"

I went to the bathroom and there it was on the floor. I got a bucket to put it in so Dr. Chung could examine it the next day, but remarkably, it looked complete. Then I grabbed my camera. Amy laughed at me and I said,"Well how are you going to do the blog post if I don't take a picture?"

They were trying to come up with a middle name and I said,"What about "Kim" or "Rose" or "Rosa" to honor the Korean team (After the Korean Midwife Kim Ok-Jin, also known as Rosa) that helped make this possible. Amy thought that Rose was perfect and so they called her Stella Rose. Stella means "star" and the stars had to be aligned for this to happen. What a perfect, beautiful and meaningful name for a gorgeous baby girl.

She was able to go home today. We are all amazed and inspired and have learned so much from this journey and this birth. Here is the story from her perspective. Even though both of these posts are incredibly long, we are leaving out lots of details. We could really write a book.

Peer Pressure Potty Learning

2010-07-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

Friend A and her 2 year old son have been staying with me while waiting for her baby to make his/her appearance. Before they arrived, I had successfully gotten Eva to use the little potty (she usually goes on the big toilet with a seat reducer but she can't do that herself). She never liked to sit on it before. She even went a few times on her own initiative. Then, G came and he uses a little potty. Eva has taken a giant leap in potty learning! If she is diaper-free, she will go to the potty on her own. If she is wearing underwear or a diaper, she will go sit on the potty and pee into her underwear/diaper. So, the next step will be getting her to take her underwear off before she goes.

As long as G is pants-free, he goes on the potty, but he seems to have the same problem as Eva when he has underwear on. He goes on the potty sometimes and sometimes he doesn't. He actually started to get interested in peeing standing up when he saw Ian do it. Unfortunately, Ian has been at school all day so G hasn't fully gotten it. Ian has a school break now, though, I am sure A would rather have her baby soon and go home than stay and have her son move on to the big potty. I think once he does it successfully a few times, he will be hooked. That is the way is seems to go with little boys.

I try to assist her dumping so the contents actually make it into the toilet and then I wash it out and let her carry it back. The interesting thing is that she stopped peeing in her diaper overnight and during naps months ago. Since she has been going to the potty self-initiated, she has been going in her sleep!

Doula Bag

2010-07-17T00:45:00.000-07:00

I've been using an old, beat up roller bag for my doula bag, but Amy surprised me with a Doula Backpack from YourDoulaBag.com with lots of fun things inside to try out. The bag has a waist strap so I can be hands-free to help the mom if I need to walk from the Stork's Nest to the hospital with her. Should have a couple of chances soon!

Holy Eggplant!

2010-07-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

Scalini's restaurant in Georgia is famous for "Eggplant Babies", that is, babies born within 48 hours of their mothers eating Scalini's Eggplant Parmigiana. They have shared their recipe on tv and online. To celebrate my friend, Amy's, due date, we decided to make it.

It was FABULOUS! The recipe is definitely a keeper. She didn't go into labor last night, but her friend who lives their said that you need to drink a glass of red wine with it for it to work. We may have to test that theory with the leftovers!

We used fresh basil (from Amy's garden), parsley and rosemary. We used canned tomatoes because they are so much easier and Amy's tomatoes suffered a tragic end. We used whole milk ricotta and what a difference! We also grated the Romano and Parmesean cheeses ourselves. Devine and delish!

Kisses

2010-07-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

For brother:

For baby:

I made the dress. Again, I am a much better dress designer than seamstress, but it is wearable:

Crash!

2010-07-14T06:04:00.001-07:00

Maneuvers like this...

finally caught up to her...

It is a wonder anyone survives childhood!

Maybe It Is Time to Think About Sleep...

2010-07-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

I've been a parent for 46 months and I have just picked up my first sleep book. I am starting to read sleep books for two reasons:
1. I need to be able to help my doula clients.
2. I need to make some changes at home. I am actually having sleep issues!

So, for some background on me and sleep. I never took naps as a baby or toddler. I took cap naps as an infant, but I stopped daytime sleep pretty early and never had a regular nap schedule. As an adult, I can sleep through noise and changes and generally fall asleep easily. I probably stay awake too late, though.

Ian fell asleep when he was tired and woke up when he was ready to wake up. I could transfer him from the bay carrier to the carseat to the baby carrier over and over again and he would stay completely asleep until he was ready to wake up. He was uneffected by light or noise.

Eva slept most of the first 6 months of her life. She, too, slept well and could be taken anywhere and still stay asleep. That was then....

So onto the sleep issues. Ian has been whiny and difficult since last summer, right before he turned three. I have thought it was just an annoying developmental phase, but I am starting to think it is due to a sleep shortage. He has always had a late bedtime, but he used to sleep in late as well. Since he started preschool, his bedtime is earlier, but he also has to get up earlier. Since he started Korean preschool (which is longer) in February, he has lost his afternoon nap.

Eva, an absolute angel for the first 6 months and fairly easy up until about a year old, has become hell on wheels for the last few months. She has had more babysitting during the day and has stopped napping for her babysitter, especially if other kids are around. She has also started waking up if I have to transfer her from carrier/stroller to carseat. She stopped nursing to sleep a lot earlier than Ian did, but we solved that by Curt putting her to sleep. However, at night she has been crazy night-waking. She jumps up and dive rolls over me and pushes against me to keep herself awake while nursing. Ian was powerless against the breast. I had to stop nursing him to sleep at 18 months because he started to resist falling asleep. However, if he woke up during the night, he would nurse quickly and stay asleep when I popped him off. Eva does not fall asleep, she screeches and dive rolls to my other side. She is good for most of the night, but the second half of the night is becoming more difficult.

Time for some changes.

Why did it take so long to figure out? Because they didn't have sleep problems before and their behavior isn't typical of the kids who do have sleep problems when they get tired. Meaning, it isn't that the behavior gets a lot worse over the course of the day, but that their behavior the whole day is worse than it used to be.

I have the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth to start my reading. I will probably read what Dr. Sears has to say as well.

So, before I read, here's what I think I should do:

1. Ian-He either needs to go to bed earlier or add his afternoon nap back in or both. In order to accomplish this, I need to be more organized about dinner so that dinner happens earlier and then the bedtime routine needs to follow shortly afterwards. Right now, I finish the bedtime routine sometime between 8:30 and 9:30 if I am not paying attention to time. I would like to change that to turning the lights out between 7:30 and 8:00 (8:30 at the latest).

2. Eva-July will be tough because she will have a lot of babysitting as I help 4 moms get ready for birth. However, I need to get her to bed earlier as well and work with the babysitters to put her to sleep during the day. In August, when we are back in the US, she'll have jet lag to deal with, but hopefully I can get her down for at least 1 good, long afternoon nap. She was taking two solid naps a day up until a few months ago. I don't know if she needs to go back to two naps a day, but she definitely still needs one nap. Also, I am going to try to move her into the crib and out of our bed. When I am with her more in the day, I will concentrate on breastfeeding her more during the day and reducing or eliminating night feedings. She doesn't eat very well and since I am gone from her a lot during the day for my studying and doula work, I do not want to eliminate night feedings unless I can feed more during the day or she starts eating/drinking more food/cow's milk during the day. I really think that full changes will have to wait until September when we are back from our trip and she has recovered from jet-lag, but I know that improvements can be made in the meantime.

I will let you know if the behavior improves as a result. Ian has always been intense but he was much more pleasant when he was sleeping more. Hoping more sleep or turning 4, will bring back the cool kid I used to know! A return of my sweet angel (with a little bit of spunk) would be nice as well.

ButterSugarCream Custom Cupcakes in Seoul

2010-07-10T07:10:00.001-07:00

I linked to my friend Gerry's blog, ButterSugarCream in my Blessingway Menu post but she really deserves a post of her own, especially for those of you searching Google. Gerry does excellent and tasty custom cupcakes and cakes and best of all for the expat, she speaks English and is an expat herself so communication is much easier.

She is only just getting started and she did a great job rescuing me at the last minute when I ran out of time to do it on my own. Just imagine what she can do if you actually plan in advance!

Infant Massage Class in Seoul

2010-07-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

I took a 1-session infant massage class in the US when Ian was 5 weeks old. He was the youngest baby there and all the 3 month olds looked like Jabba-the-Hut to me. It was fun and though, I didn't use it on a regular basis with my kids, I'm glad to have the knowledge in my parenting toolbox if I need it. Infant massage can be particularly helpful with gassy and fussy babies, but there doesn't need to be a problem in order to use it. In fact, it can be a lovely addition to your bedtime routine and great for bonding with baby.

My friends Karlien and Linda are certified infant massage instructors and will be offering classes starting in August/September. Visit the Seoul Infant Massage website for more details.

Happy VBAC Anniversary to Shelley/Happy Birthday to Reese

2010-07-07T00:38:00.000-07:00

Right after my VBAC, I told my doula, Kelly, that if she had any other VBAC clients who wanted to talk, I would be happy to share my experience. As fate would have it, Kelly's next client was a VBAC mom. We talked by e-mail and phone. Eva was born in March and she was due towards the end of June. I went back to Korea at the end of April, but I did get the birth announcement, that baby Reese was born by VBAC!

Today, I got an e-mail from her because they just celebrated Reese's first birthday and she was thinking about her birth. I have been thinking about her since Eva's birthday since she was one of the first VBAC moms I encouraged. She was already preparing and planning to do it and taking all the right steps, I just tried to pass on some of the support that I received and share my positive story as a way of cheering her on. Even though, I played a very small role in her birth preparations, she remembered. One year later, she remembered.

I am amazed, humbled and encouraged by that to continue my work which will sometimes be just sharing my story over e-mail and sometimes, by attending them as a doula.

It is funny because we both used the same Martha Stewart Dahlia decorations for their first birthdays. Here are pictures from Eva's birthday.

Blessingway Menu

2010-07-06T20:06:00.000-07:00

The menu for the Blessingway Curt made EVERYTHING:
Mint Lemonade (recipe in Mother Rising book)

Quinoa Salad from Girls Gone Child Blog: Curt used blackberries instead of blueberries because that was what we could get.

Chevre Deviled Eggs with Asparagus

Lemon Pasta Salad from the Mother Rising book (this was a big hit)

Avocado-Cucumber Soup (I wouldn't make this again, but it was interesting. Those avocados would have been better in guacamole)

Spinach-Artichoke Dip

Fresh fruit

The the cupcakes! Amy likes to garden and since gardening is a great metaphor for birth, I thought these would be perfect. Unfortunately, with the doula training the three days before the Blessingway and my lack of skill, I needed to call in some reinforcements. It is good to have talented friends! My friend Gerry has just started a custom cake/cupcake decorating business. She graciously came to my rescue and decorated the cupcakes. You can see more examples of her work on her blog.

I messed up one of the signs as I was putting it in. Not Gerry's fault! Good thing I didn't try to do the whole thing by myself!

Photos by Chalica Pack of Chalica Pack Photography

Blessingway for Amy

2010-07-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

Amy and I have been talking about her pregnancy and preparing for her birth practically since conception. I think it is really special when a doula prepares to give birth. Doulas spend so much time and energy into supporting other women through their births, but sometimes it is hard to receive support when you are used to giving it. I decided to gather the doulas for Amy for a proper Blessingway, to infuse her with positive energy and support and prepare her for birthing and mothering her second child.

I bought a few books to look for Blessingway inspiration:

Mother Rising by YanaCortland, Barb Lucke, Donna Miller Watelet

Blessingways-A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers-Celebrating Pregnancy, Birth and Motherhood by Shari Maser

Invitations:

I did the invitations on Pingg because you have the option of printing and mailing hard copies, but the convenience of an online invitation. I wish I could have have more design freedom, but I liked the template well enough and it was free. If you upgrade your Pingg membership you have access to more templates and more design freedom. I printed two copies, one for me and one for Amy.

Decorations:

Inspiration fabrics from Dongdaemun, materials for the Blessingway

19 Fabric Birds (pattern from Spool) representing the 19 babies whose births Amy attended as a doula. The birds were supposed to be suspended in a mobile, but I ran out of time, so I went with it as a table decoration:

The Program:

Welcome and Introduction (Music Deva Premal Om Hraum Mitraya)

Washing with Rose Water to rinse away cares and bring our energies to Amy:

Casting the Circle and Statement of Purpose

Centering: Eyes closed and conscious focus of energy

Tea Ceremony/Toast with Mother Blessing Tea (recipe in Mother Rising book)

Amy's Statement to the Guests (what each person has taught her and why she wanted them present)

Fear Burning/Affirmations

Due to sprinkler systems, Amy just read her fears and ripped them up. After she ripped up the paper she replaced the fear statement with an affirmation statement. Then, the guests repeated the affirmation statement to her.

Honoring/Pampering
Presentation of the crown:

Presentation of the beads where each guest gives the beads they picked for Amy and what they represent:

Rachel and Nicole strung them together to make a bracelet:

Presentation of the Quilt:

I embroidered inspirational symbols from the Mother Rising book and used the fabric from the birds and table cloths. The symbols are: Japanese Seed of Universe, Celtic Spiral of Life, Hecate's Wheel with the Three Phases of Womanhood, African Sesa Woruban which means,"I transform my life", Hopi Tapu'at Mother and Child which represents the path to emergence and spiritual rebirth.
Poems and stories from the guests:

Weaving a Web (everyone ties yarn around there wrist until we are all connected and a web has form. The idea is that everyone cuts themselves free and keeps the bracelet until the baby is born):

Laying on hands with wishes for the baby:

Closing Message for Amy

Opening the Circle (Music Deva Premal Om Sree Sachee)

Birth Canal Exit (Guests form an archway and she walks through)

Group Photo:

And then we ate, but I will cover that in a separate post.

I was going to do some yoga with the group, but with the training, I didn't have time to practice so that I'd feel comfortable leading it. Also, I did get henna to do henna on Amy's belly and the guests hands, but I haven't worked with it before so I was worried about making a big, disorganized mess. Instead, we will do henna when Amy comes down and is waiting for labor to start.

Photo by Chalica Pack of Chalica Pack Photography

Happy 4th of July!

2010-07-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

Our third, Independence Day at Yongsan.

Eva was awake this year. She was relatively unimpressed, but clapped politely since others were cheering.
It
It was the first time Ian enjoyed the fireworks without being held and clutching onto us. We were farther away which might have helped as well.

More Hair

2010-06-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

Her hair is growing!

Look, I even see a few curls!

My Birthday

2010-06-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

Two of my dear friends took me to dinner for my birthday. Curt was supposed to be traveling but ended up not going. He had to work late anyway so things worked out. We went to Lugo. They also gave my a certificate to Healing Hands. Looking forward to that one!

When I got home, Curt and Ian had chocolate covered strawberries for me! (Eva was sleeping).

His Shadow

2010-06-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Where he goes, she goes.

Grandpa's Girl

2010-06-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

Ian was 2 years and 8 or 9 months before he started gun play. Before, he would make gun-like objects out of Legos and I would ask him what it was and he would say,"A Tower." Then, all of a sudden, he started pretending everything was a gun. It happened a lot later than I thought it would considering we live near and work on an Army base and my dad is a big hunter and we lived with my parents for a good chunk of time during Ian's first 2.5 years.

Eva on the other hand, is already "shooting" at 15 months. Ugh!

You can even see that she is making shooting noises.

Dunk Tank

2010-06-20T21:30:00.001-07:00

Curt went in the dunk tank for Organization Day. Everyone else put on shorts or bathing suits to go in, but I suggested he keep his regular clothes on to make it more satisfying for the people to dunk him. It was a hit! Ian got to dunk him as well. He couldn't hitit with enough pressure so they just let him push the button.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

Visit to Dongducheon

2010-06-19T05:37:00.001-07:00

Only 38 km away, but takes at least 2 hours to get there (more, if you miss the turns like us). We had a great visit with friends who live in a large, purple house with a yard. Ian plays in the dirt with G.

Eva sees a dog:

Eva says,"Dog!"

The dog:

Welcome to Summer, or ER Season as I Call It

2010-06-19T05:19:00.000-07:00

With antics like this and this:

It is not surprising that this happened:

Except that she was on the ground. She tripped and hit her eye on the tv stand. She cried immediately. Pupils were reactive. She did not lose consciousness, but her skin was split open so we went in for a stitch. They said they could use glue, but Ian had glue for the cut on his eye and it didn't seem to do much. I told him I didn't want a cross hatch, though. He said that if the stitches are removed at the right time there won't be one. I hope he knew what he was doing. He looked like he was about 25. They had to use the baby straight jacket (they swaddled her with a sheet). She was very calm until the lidocaine. She stopped crying fairly quickly, though.

Shapewear in a Size 2, Thank You Lands' End

2010-06-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

Friend C brought along the Lands' End catalog on one of our moms morning outs. I haven't looked at a Lands' End catalog since my mom used to order from them in the 80's. But, bathing suit season has arrived and I don't have anything to wear. Pre-pregnancy suits don't have enough support. Maternity suits (even bikinis because of the different shape) are too baggy. I bought two suits from Old Navy last summer and though I wore them, they really don't have enough support. Most shape wear suits are expensive and only come in bigger sizes and I dreaded ordering something and having to return it. That is where Lands' End comes in. They have bathing suits and bikinis made for a mother's body. Shapewear and support are built into even the very small sizes. There is also a very thorough size chart with several torso length options.

I ordered a white bikini and a brown full length suit. I like the bikini better, but it will be nice to have the option of a full length suit for indoor pools since it tends to be colder.

Hanbok Fashion Show

2010-06-13T04:26:00.001-07:00

I went to a Hanbok Fashion Show at an unfinished temple out past Uijeongbu last month. More pictures here.

Noodle Mess

2010-06-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

She refuses to wear a bib. Somehow I managed to get Ian to wear one.

Finger Painting: 3 Minutes of Fun for 20 Minutes of Clean UP

2010-06-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

Friend I was a natural:

We had to bathe the kids and mop afterwards.

The Adventures of Monkey Girl

2010-06-12T16:58:00.001-07:00

Up is Good:

But How Do I Get Higher:

Something Else to Climb On:

Its like this all day long. If I push the chairs in, she still tries to climb but gets stuck.

The Bradley Method for Natural Childbirth

2010-06-05T03:03:00.001-07:00

I just finished reading two books on the Bradley Method: Husband-Coached Childbirth by Robert A. Bradley, MD and Natural Childbirth The Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon. My next doula clients are reading the Susan McCutcheon book. There are no Bradley classes in the country so they have to rely on the book. I don't believe that one book can substitute for a 12-week class, so I have been reading and consulting with my friend, Amy, who took the Bradley class in person to try to help them get as much out of the book as possible.

I checked out older editions of both of these books from the library. After reading them, I ordered the latest versions, but haven't received them, yet. I will start with Dr. Bradley's book.

I was really interested to read about Bradley Method because Bradley couples are often described as "militant" or "birth warriors". I saw a blog post last year about a doctor's office in Utah that had a sign explicitly stating,"No Bradley Method". I though,"Whoa, why all the hate for Bradley Method? What are they teaching?"

What is the essence of Bradley Method?

1. Birth is a normal, physiological process that is performed instinctively by other mammals.

2. Humans need to be trained for childbirth, just as they are for swimming, because we have lost touch with our instincts.

3. The best person to train/guide/coach a woman through the birth process is the man who loves her and got her into the situation in the first place.

4. A husband taking an active role in the pregnancy and birth, helps build a solid foundation for his family.

Doesn't seem so controversial at its essence. I don't think that the core messages are controversial. However, there is a VERY strong stance against using pain medication in pregnancy and labor. There is no sugar-coating, no laissez-faire attitude, but a very strong stance that the vast majority of women should be able to birth without pain medication or interference. There is also a sincere and aggressive belief that Bradley Method is superior to all other methods and that can be a turn-off for sure.

Dr. Bradley's book is written to the husband. I don't know why that surprised me since the title is Husband-Coached Childbirth. To be honest, I guess it surprised me because I can't imagine my husband reading it or any other book on childbirth. I do think there are probably more women than men who read the book, at least, at first. I can imagine my husband attending the classes and becoming the star pupil, though. However, as a woman reading this book, it would be easy to get offended by Dr. Bradley telling husbands how to "instruct and train their wives." However, Dr. Bradley tells husbands they need to "train themselves" as well. Also, if you are not married or not partnered with a man, the language of the book could be a little frustrating. But again, the title tells you that the book is addressing husbands.

I imagine that Dr. Bradley was quite a character in person. The whole book is like a lecture from a strong-minded man trying to condense a lifetime's worth of passion, work and discoveries for an audience of clueless fathers-to-be. After 23,000 births with a 94% unmedicated, vaginal delivery rate, no maternal mortality and only a 3% c-section rate, Dr. Bradley has a definite perspective. It would be easy to interpret the message of the book to be,"Just listen to me and you'll have a great birth." Well, it is hard to argue with success, however, many people do not like to be told what to do.

Dr. Bradley's book covers a lot of the history of the development of the method with case examples and opinions on everything from avoiding drugs, even in preconception to women going without underwear. A lot of time and energy is spent trying to convince the husband of the rewards of truly supporting his wife through pregnancy and childbirth. I don't know how the 5th edition has changed, but 4th edition that I read, would be a good introduction to the Bradley Method for those interested in taking a live, in-person class. There are no pictures and though some of the exercises are described, this is not the book to read if you are interested in Bradley but don't have access to a class.

If you are interested in the Bradley Method, but can't take the class, the McCutcheon book is the one to buy. The McCutcheon book has a lot more pictures, nice pencil drawings that show anatomy from various views to facial expression through stages of labor. It has relaxation exercises and a practice schedule. You would do well to supplement with some other form of childbirth education, but if you follow the practice schedule, I think you can get the essence to take you through labor.

So why bother taking the class at all, even if you have the option?

A 12-week class allows you to interact with others, including an experienced, confident teacher. Committing to learning and preparing over time, allows you to process the knowledge and integrate it. Relaxation is a body activity. Your body needs to "know" how to relax. If you haven't practiced, you make think you "get it" by reading, but when birth gets intense and requires focus, you will not be able to easily use something you haven't practiced. Attending class, guarantees you practice and process, at least during class. There is also a bit of peer pressure and accountability to the teacher (and the money and time you are spending to attend classes) that results in more practicing. The more you practice and the more you have processed and integrated the information, the more confident you'll be going into your birth and , therefore, the more likely you will be able to use the techniques successfully.

With the couple using the McCutcheon book to prepare, we (my doula partner and I ) are encouraging them to set a practice schedule and stick to it. We have also done some other exercises with them from Birthing from Within and the Pink Kit to fill in the gaps.

I will be very interested to see how they do with the Bradley Method. The husband is already very interested and excited about the birth. If they practice regularly (as with anything), I think it will work well for them.

Playing

2010-05-29T05:06:00.001-07:00

Happy/Sad

2010-05-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

Vaginal Breech Birth vs. Cesarean Section

2010-05-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Breech Birth by Benna Waites. She is a British clinical psychologist who birthed a breech baby vaginally. She wrote the book analyzing all the research studies done on breech birth, both vaginal and cesarean to help other women who find themselves with a breech baby at term. Rixa of Stand and Deliver Blog write a review of this book as well as New Zealand midwife Maggie Banks' book Breech Birth Woman-Wise. Since both my babies have been breech (one born by elective c-section and the other born vaginally after a successful External Cephalic Version, the topic of breech is close to my heart. To say that I "chose" to have an elective c-section with my first implies that I felt I had options which is not how I felt. I didn't feel like I had any other good and reasonable choices. Considering the fact that supposedly only 3% of babies are breech at term and I have had two, I feel that I need to prepare to deal with breech in future pregnancies as well.

I am going to order Maggie Banks' book plus an extra copy for my doctor as well. You have to order from her website or bookstores in Australia/New Zealand so I want to have it well before I get pregnant again. Also, book of these books are good to have in my library since breech doesn't become an issue until the end of pregnancy when you don't have a lot of time to order books and make decisions.

Benna Waites' book is a must-read for a those who find themselves with a breech baby. If vaginal breech birth is something you might be interested in, the analysis of the studies and different approaches to managing breech will be extremely helpful and confidence-building to making your decisions. While there are no clear-cut answers, there are important considerations such as provider experience/confidence and managed vs. hands-off approach to vaginal birth. Additionally, measures to turn a baby are also covered along with the potential benefits and risks of planning a c-section but waiting to operate until after labor starts on its own.

EC Update #5

2010-05-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

We've continued to do Elimination Communication (EC) part-time since Eva was 7 months old. Lately, Eva has been waking up with a dry diaper overnight. It isn't every night, but it is more nights than not. Today, she went into the bathroom when she had to go and walked right up to the toilet. That is a break through. I hope she continues to do it and it was not a fluke. I have had more baby sitting recently so we haven't worked on it as much, but I am going to try to keep her diaper-free as much as possible when we are home. It makes it easier for me to tell when she has to go and she will make the connection better. So today, I got her on the potty quite a bit and she took herself once. She also peed on the floor a few times, but I don't mind. It is very easy to clean up. Every time she did, I took her to the potty and set her on it while I cleaned it up.

Sick Baby

2010-05-23T05:36:00.000-07:00

Eva had a cough and fever two weeks ago. She went in for a follow-up doctor visit and the doctor thought she might have a sinus infection so she gave us an anti-biotic. She said if Eva was better the next day (Saturday), she didn't need the anti-biotic. The next day she seemed much better. On Sunday, Ian threw up and we thought he had food poisoning because it looked like raw meat in his vomit. We went to the ER and they said it should pass in 12-24 hours. It did. He had a fever on Monday but no vomiting. By Tuesday, he was totally fine. Then Tuesday night, Eva puked big time! She had eaten a lot and IT WAS IN THE CARSEAT! Gross! She threw up a few more times that night and then a few times the next afternoon. She seemed to be fine after that. But she puked again last night in bed. If she does it again we'll probably go back to the doctor to see what is going on. For now, we are just doing lots of laundry!

Pig Tails

2010-05-16T00:46:00.000-07:00

Somebody's Not Quite Ready to Get Up...

2010-05-15T00:14:00.000-07:00

For the Grandparents and the Great-Grandparents on Mother's Day

2010-05-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

The Birth of a Doula

2010-05-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

On Thursday morning at 4:58 am, a doula was born. That was when I received a phone call from a woman I had met last week. She was in labor. She hadn't officially hired me and I wasn't sure she was going to, but when labor started, she called me. I had the honor of attending a birth in January as a shadow doula/co-doula. While, it was an unforgetable experience, I did not have the full responsibility, I just followed the leads of Amy (the doula) and the couple. I was amazed at how instinctive it was to help meet their needs, but I did not feel comfortable calling myself a doula. But after this experience I can say,"I am doula."

Thank you, L family, for trusting me to protect your space and nurture you through this amazing transition to parenthood.

Kanzius Foundation Finishes First in the Pepsi Refresh Everything Contest

2010-05-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

Erie-native John Kanzius had a dream to create a non-invasive cancer treatment using radiowaves. The idea is ready for human trials, but they need funding. Thanks to everyone who voted. To learn more about the Kanzius Foundation's work or to contribute to the research, visit the website. What I love most about this story is that Kanzius was not a doctor or scientist, just a man with an idea. Anyone who has known someone going through cancer treatment knows that the treatment and after-effects are often as bad as the disease. If the treatment doesn't kill you, you may have lasting side effects like lymphedema as both my cousin Micki and friend Marci have as a result of cancer treatment.

Should You Switch Doctors/Hospitals?

2010-04-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

If you are asking yourself this question, whether it is at the end of your pregnancy or the night before a surgery, the answer is probably yes. At the very least, you owe it to yourself to explore your options and the the issues that are making you uncomfortable. Intuition is a powerful tool. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Sheridan of the Enjoy Birth Blog, just had a series of posts about comparing two births that were similar, but had two very different results based on the hospital's policies and the OB's approaches: one had a vaginal birth and the other a cesarean. Fortunately, the doctors were kind and inclusive during the cesarean so the mom still feels good about it, but she probably could have avoided the surgery had she followed her intuition and switched providers. We all do the best we can with the information we have at the time. There are things that I wish I would have done differently during my first pregnancy like try an ECV or research vaginal breech birth and look harder for a provider who would let me try or at least wait until I went into labor before having the c-section. I felt like I didn't have any realistic choices at the time so I focused on having a good c-section experience. I did have a good experience, but it was still major surgery which will effect every pregnancy after and have future consequences that I can't predict.

Sheridan's post is timely, because this topic has come up on the forum recently. I made a long response which I thought,"Hey, this would make a good blog post!" So here it is with personal details removed:

If the doctors won't answer your questions at appointments, you can bet more of the same during your birthing time. Docs like this do not want patients to be involved in their own care. It is a sign to change doctors/hospitals.

If you leave the appointments crying, it is a sign to change doctors/hospitals.

If they flat out tell you that you cannot have what you want, despite scientific evidence that what you want: movement in labor, no iv, no continuous EFM and skin-to-skin bonding with baby immediately after birth, is best for baby, it is a sign to change doctors/hospitals.

The best case scenarios in these cases, do not have you getting what you want. It may seem like an overwhelming prospect to travel to give birth, but if you can't get what you want locally, it is well worth it. I flew halfway around the world and then drive two hours to have the birth my baby and I deserved. It was worth it. All that effort just to let nature take its course. Nature's course is pretty awesome. I just let my body do it and I knew I didn't have to fight. Fighting/stress interfere with your natural processes.

Sometimes women worry about their husbands missing the birth, but if your birth goes so fast that your husband can't get there (as mine did) you won't care. I am so glad that I had a fast, easy, doula and midwife-supported birth that my husband missed by 1.5 hours (because he was driving and his phone didn't work in the US, otherwise, he would have made it) than a traumatic experience where I was bullied, disempowered and separated from my baby, or in my case, forced to have a repeat c-section that I did not want.

If you settle for a hospital/doctor that is less than what you want and you have a bad experience, your husband will pay the price for that. He will be the one that will have to deal with your trauma and possibly resentment towards him.

Why is feeling good about the experience important? Because feeling bad about it can be haunting and traumatizing. It can trigger or make worse post-partum depression and interfere with bonding. Not everyone is negatively affected by being bullied or not even bullied, but simply excluded from the decision-making process, but if you think you might be (I know I would) then refuse to accept it.

Also, ALL doctors say they only do c-section when they are medically necessary, but the rates at which some doctors find it necessary are very high. Being flat on your back and restricted from eating and drinking and getting fluid overload from an iv are all ways to increase problems that may cause your doctor to find a c-section necessary.

As foreigners, it is hard to find an ideal situation where location, language-ability and care practices are exactly what we would want. However, if you are calm, firm and persistent in interviewing doctors and stating your wishes both before birth and during birth, you can get what you want.

This message might sound harsh, but I just want to stress the importance of choosing a care provider. It is one of the most important choices you can make. You need someone you can communicate with and who will include you in the decisions. No matter what the result, if you are informed and participate in the decision-making, you can feel good about the experience.

At the very least, you owe it to yourself to explore your options. You have choices. Explore your options, both near and far and then make a decision. Listen to yourself and your intuition. Details such as where you will stay can be worked out. Sometimes payment can be worked out.

Childbirth Education Course Development

2010-04-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

My friend Rachel and I are in the process of developing some childbirth education courses to serve the English-speaking expat community here in Seoul. I believe that different programs work better or appeal to different women and we want to expand the range of options available.

Rachel and I are reading a lot of books and looking at programs to figure out how and what we want to teach. There are some philosophies of birth that say that women will find their own ways of coping in labor and technique-based classes are not necessary and even counter-productive. I know one thing for sure, I do not agree with this. (I do understand that there are women who this philosophy would really work for, though. I think they would have to be extremely committed to it and very well supported to get through if things did not go smoothly). This philosophy came about in response to the failure of the old Lamaze method on the part of many women who were told in the classes that they should be able to relax their way to avoid pain. When they felt pain, they grew anxious that they were "doing it wrong" and felt a lot of disappointment. I understand where the reaction against the method comes from, but I do not agree that method-free is the best way for most women to go. Since most women go into their births without prior experience of birth and very little body awareness or relaxation training, their natural ways of coping are often inefficient and counterproductive leading to longer, more painful labors and higher rates of intervention. If we were giving birth in a rural area without access to interventions, most women would eventually find their way through, but I think it would be rougher than it needs to be. I believe that birth can be enjoyable! I do think that the real point is not to be a slave to a particular method, to have a range of tools to use.

Currently, Lisa Fincaryk teaches a wonderful general childbirth education course that focuses on the differences you encounter in Korea such as the standard procedures in most Korean hospitals, how to negotiate with your Korean doctor and writing a birth plan. One of the strengths of this class is role-playing negotiating with the Korean doctors and staff. It is a great class with lots of good information, but it is not a method. While I think that the information in general childbirth education courses is essential preparation, I think that they give you enough information to HAVE birth preferences, but not enough to prepare you to carry out your preferences. Many women are prepared intellectually (through childbirth education classes), but not physically and emotionally. In the Passion for Birth Childbirth Education Lamaze seminar we learned lots of great and engaging ways to teach general childbirth information, but since most people lack time or resources to take both a childbirth education course and a labor preparation/method course, I would rather teach a method course.

Lisa also teaches Hypnobirthing classes here in Seoul as well. We are so fortunate to be able to have that option here as well. Hypnobirthing (I finally read the book) says that birth can be painless and enjoyable. The philosophy is that pain is caused by tension in response to fear. By eliminating the fear and training yourself to relax completely, you can work with your body instead of against it and have a pain-free, or very manageable birth. Having experienced a near pain-free and very manageable birth using Hypnobabies, I believe that it is possible. Where I disagree with Hypnobirthing is in their coverage of interventions and problems in labor. The coverage is minimal because the practitioners believe that covering undesirable topics will plant strong suggestions that will manifest themselves because they will override all the positive work you are doing by entertaining those thoughts.

I disagree. The culture through family horror stories, horror stories from strangers, fearful images from movies and television and lack of confidence in the body's ability to birth have already put the fear in us. Also, most women give birth in intervention-friendly hospitals and if you do not have a good understanding of when interventions are necessary or helpful and how to evaluate that, your whole plan can be derailed if you have something unexpected come up in your birthing. I think that by teaching women about the range of options between a zen, pain-free natural birth and an emergency c-section, you will actually reduce their fear and improve their satisfaction about their births because they will have a greater ability to make choices about their care. I believe that education, support and choice are keys to a women having satisfying birth experiences.

I do think also that Hypnobirthing kind of makes it seem like if you have a problem in your birthing time, it is your fault. Breeches are explained as being caused by fear. Having had two breech babies, this is really hard for me to hear. I did not feel afraid, but I had breeches. With Eva, I did fear release hypnosis sessions and the Hypnobabies breech track and nothing worked. An External Cephalic Version finally did work and I went on to have a very easy Hypnobabies birth, but I don't think that being told it is your fault is really helpful. I think I have the same reaction that Gayle Peterson and others had in response to the old Lamaze method. However, I do think that there is a lot of good information and technique in Hypnobirthing and for some people, it would be a very good fit.

I would like to become a Hypnobabiesinstructor because Hypnobabies does cover interventions and changes in labor. Unfortunately, they are not holding teacher training until 2011. So, I will continue to encourage women to look into Lisa's Hypnobirthing class or order the Hypnobabies Home Study Kit, but I realize that not all women find the hypnosis method appealing.

So, what are we going to teach? Well, Rachel used The Pink Kit for her birthing. The philosophy behind The Pink Kit is that women need to do the work to develop skills to use in their birthing time. Birth can be easy or difficult. If you follow your natural instincts, you may have a very quick and easy birthing time. However, sometimes our instincts lead us to positions and breathing that works against our bodies instead of with our bodies. By developing body awareness and an understanding of the potential impacts of our own anatomy, we can work with our bodies to get the baby out. The Pink Kit does talk about the impact of fear, but gives women (and partners) confidence by helping them build skills to use no matter how your labor progresses.

Yes! This philosophy really speaks to me. It is proactive and not fear-based. It is good preparation for the birth partner as well because there are things that the birth partner can practice. You can do The Pink Kit as a home study as Rachel did, but many people, especially first-time parents or those with previous birth trauma, prefer a live class. We know we want to use The Pink Kit as a basis for our class called Birth Skills. We want to include information on birth in Korea as well as the best elements of other books and philosophies to round out the class. We are in the early stages of trying to decide what to put in the class and how to present the information.

Here is where I need your help. If you can answer the following questions that would be great. If you don't want to answer in the comments, you can send me an e-mail mamaseoul at gmail dot com.

1. What childbirth education/ labor preparation classes did you take?

2. What other resources (books, films, groups, etc) did you use to prepare in addition to or instead of the classes?

3. What did you learn in your classes or other preparation that you feel helped you the most during your birthing time?

4. What did you feel unprepared for? What do you wish you would have known, but didn't?

5. If your partner attended classes, what did your partner learn in classes (or other preparation) that helped the most during your birthing time?

6. What do you think would have better prepared your partner to help you?

7. General impression of your classes/additional comments/anything else that you think will be helpful to us as we put together our classes:

Thanks!

Sewing Lessons in Seoul: I Made It and It's Beautiful!

2010-04-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

In my sewing class, I made a dress:

Now that Eva is walking it is almost impossible to get her to stand still, but her she is wearing it. I made it in size 2T so it should fit better next summer. She is size 12-18 months right now.

I am taking sewing lessons in a friend's house. There are three of us that set up our machines at the dining table and Mrs. Ahn, the teacher, assists us with our projects. She helps us make our own patterns and helps us through step by step. It is amazing how much I can accomplish in 2.5 hours! I leave Eva with a babysitter.

Mrs. Ahn can eyeball measurements and free-hand amazingly well. I struggle to cut or sew in a straight line! I showed her this dress and she made a pattern. I decided to make the neckline without the accent because I thought I would like it better and I do.

Now, the dress isn't perfect and I need to do some ironing and thread trimming to finish it off, but I actually finished something!

Mrs. Ahn speaks English very well. She teaches lessons in your home and also takes custom orders. If you want to learn to sew, I highly recommend getting a small group together and setting up some lessons!

Mrs Ahn: 018-369 3023
ahn0594@naver.com

Happy Birthday J!

2010-04-15T04:28:00.000-07:00

Another birthday! J turned 2 and the party was held at the Yongsan Fire Station, perfect for the fire fighter theme. His mother, unlike me, figured out her theme months ago and had super cute fire fighter themed party favors and had everything ready in advance! Maybe I should start planning Ian's next party right now..

Cupcakes with simple fire truck decorations and REALLY, REALLY RED frosting:

Ian looking like an angst-ridden fire fighting circus clown after eating one of the really, really red cupcakes:

The kids were able to sit in the fire truck. Very cool!

Vote for the Kanzius Radio Wave Cancer Treatment

2010-04-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

Erie-Native, John Kanzius developed a theory of using radio waves to target cancer at the cellular level to avoid the awful side effects of the current treatments. Unfortunately, he died before his idea could enter human trials, but the Foundation continues his work. You can help by voting every day in April for the $250,000 Pepsi Refresh Everything Grant.

From the Pepsi site:
Current treatment methods of chemotherapy and radiation therapy are both physically debilitating and expensive. John Kanzius’ theory of using radio waves to stop cancer offers a better way.

Early research has focused on pancreatic, liver, breast, prostate, colon, lung and leukemic cancers. The preliminary findings indicate that the Kanzius Radio Wave Cancer Treatment is non-invasive – that is, no surgery is needed and 100 percent of the cancer cells are destroyed without damage to neighboring “good” cells or tissues!

In 2010, upon receiving approval from the FDA to build a larger, human-sized device, pre-clinical testing will begin. The Kanzius Cancer Research Foundation’s goal is to begin Phase I Human Clinical Trials by 2012.

For everyone you know who had had cancer, please vote!

G. Alec Stewart, Dean of the University of Pittsburgh Honors College Dies

2010-04-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

The news has reached the far corners of the earth. On one e-mail that a friend wrote from Pittsburgh, recipients were in Montreal, Doha, Berlin and Seoul among other locations. My small group of friends from the UHC is scattered across the Earth and are just a small representation of the lives he touched.

The UHC is located near the top of the Cathedral of Learning. It is an amazing place. It was amazing even then, when my friends and I were there a few years before the renovation that added a second floor and designer touches. I remember late nights looking out across the city of Pittsburgh. I did a lot at the UHC, as did every person on that e-mail and those that came before and after. We are his legacy.

"Doc" was always accessible. He spent a lot of time talking to students about anything and everything. He was open to different ideas and different types of students. The Honors College was open to every student. There was no "admission". Some students had UHC scholarships, but any student could participate in UHC classes. There was no standard curriculum. You could take 1 UHC class or many. Doc said that many times he had seen kids who barely made it into Pitt catch fire for quantum physics or Shakespeare and that passion had to be nurtured. A teenager's high school boredom or immaturity shouldn't limit his opportunities for college growth. If you get into Pitt, you are already "in" the UHC because of Doc's philosophy. He wanted the UHC to be an intellectual community, not a cut-throat competitive environment. He succeeded. It was one of my homes away from home during my time at Pitt.

He had a great sense of humor. I remember that he said that Hugh Henry Brakenridge (Pitt's founder) was rumored to ride horses naked in the rain and he wanted some students to pull a prank for April Fool's Day or Founder's Day. That kind of thing was right up my alley with my theatre involvement but I never got around to it. I wonder if someone ever did. I hope if any of his current students remember that someone will make a ride through Pitt campus, in memoriam.

I wish I had the time to write a worthy tribute, but I am afraid if I wait for that, I'll never write anything. So, I will just say that G. Alec Stewart was a great man and educator. He will be missed. And, if anyone reading is in Pittsburgh with access to a horse...

Happy Birthday A!

2010-04-07T05:12:00.000-07:00

April is crazy for us as for as birthday parties go. We are already on birthday #2 with birthday #3 and #4 scheduled. Two parties in May already as well!

Another mom-made cake:

The border around the cake is made with fancy marshmallows. I think that it is a great and easy way to add some decoration.

They had a clown who did face-painting and balloons:

A child using her balloon sword to cut down the decorations! Hey, what else was the sword for?

The party was in the building's playroom.

They had a pinata as well. I was a bit scared for the dad because there was no place to hang it from. He held it on the end of a hockey stick and the kids weren't blindfolded so there were no injuries.

Happy 4th birthday, A!

Baby Unders

2010-04-07T03:18:00.001-07:00

I ordered a pair of babyMISHA infant underwear from Diaper-Free Baby to try with Eva. They come in plain and prints in sizes S (0-6 months), M (3-12 months) and L (6-18 months). They are just small underwear without any absorbent layers.

I ordered size L because this summer I think I may put her in dresses and let her go diaper-free as a continuation of our EC journey. I compared them to Baby Gap underwear size 2T-3T (Ian's) and they are a bit smaller and definitely have smaller leg openings. The size L fits her now and should fit her through the summer. I also have Hanna Andersson size XS (also Ian's) and those are much bigger. Most of what is available in EC wear seems to be made by small companies, so you need to custom order or wait for stock to come in. I may ask my sewing teacher to help me make some myself.

She was very comfortable in them. In fact, she took off running. I had her diaper free (not in the underwear) for a long time time evening and she did pee on the floor but it shocked her and she cried. I took her to the potty immediately. It was too late of course, but I am hoping to strengthen the association.

Bounce Back Fast (Or Slowly)!

2010-04-06T20:11:00.001-07:00

I bought the Be Fit Mom: Bounce Back Fast workout dvd after Ian was born. I did it a few times, but not enough to make a judgement on it. I thought about using it after Eva was born, but a crazy summer full of moving and traveling tanked those plans. Well, now that Eva is a year old, I really want to workout regularly to close the abdominal separation from pregnancy and increase my energy.

I just finished my doing the Bounce Back Fast Abdominal Separation workout for the 4th time since March 31st. I was attempting to do it everyday, but I haven't made it so far. I am going to try using a mantra to workout regularly,"I am making a choice. I choose to workout." That dvd workout is only 34 minutes long. I should be able to manage it. I also need to be practicing asanas and meditation every day, but truthfully, that hasn't been happening.

Now, I am not going to lie, this workout is boring. It is boring because it has to be, because the movements are subtle. It is easy to do the exercises incorrectly, but for them to be effective you have to pay attention. Helene Byrne sets you up for every exercise, every time to help you do it correctly. I will report back when I have done the workout 30 times. Only 26 more to go!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

Flowers in the Afternoon

2010-04-03T05:57:00.001-07:00